Blog — Page 79

Apr 03 2014

The Body Knows Best

Tuesday night, after the launch of the fundraiser*–and on the heels of even more hours a day on the computer than I usually spend–I was working on one of the campaigns when the upper back/shoulder pain I’d been feeling throughout the day intensified. Not dull aches and pains but sharp shooting ones that made it impossible to sit/lie done/stand or hold any position for more than a few minutes. It crept around my right upper ribs, making it hard to breathe.

There might’ve been flailing. Okay, there WAS flailing.

Luckily I have a friend who Knows Medical Stuff and after *mumbleanhourandahalfofhorriblepainmumble* some time she was like, oh, yeah, you have Mouse Arm and something’s spasming. So after alternating hot and cold compresses, taking ibuprofen, and contorting my arms into all sorts of positions so I could massage the affected area, and I was at least able to sleep. But I have to take a few days off of the computer (and I can’t really knit, either, my GOD I am so fucking bored). Pushing it yesterday had the pain flaring up again last night; yes, I really have to listen when the body says, “Hold on a minute, I need to rest”.

So that’s where I am. No Soulless chapter this week because PAIN; stuff I don’t get paid for always drops to the bottom of the priority list when shit like this happens. There is, of course, still work to be done, and I can’t afford to get another week behind else my clients will probably hunt me down and kill me (they’re lovely people, but really, they can’t be expected to wait because I broke myself), so I’m thinking I’ll extend my new internet-free Friday (wherein I get housework and day job work done in spades) by having an internet-free long weekend. This coincides with a massive, 958 pg book on post-independence history in Kenya that just arrived, so alternating a couple hours of work with resting and reading should clear things up.

The body knows. Chronic illnesses aside, when a sudden injure flares up it is almost always a sign to slow down. Which I have tremendous trouble with, but I know that if I ignore those warnings, I’ll set myself up for something even worse down the road. And so I retreat.

At least until I can get cyborg parts to replacing the existing ones causing me trouble.

———-

* Fundraiser runs all month. There are lots of awesome packages of signed books. $15 will get you a few things including Whiskey Sour, the Zara and Juliette short story e-collection.

Mar 24 2014

Last Week for 25% Off

9Crimes_ The sale for buying direct from the shop is only on for another week. All the books, novellas, and collections in the series are available–plus my site is the only place you’ll find 9 Crimes–and you get a zipped folder with four different ebook formats, so there’s something for ever ereader.

To get 25% off, use the coupon code read when you checkout.

I don’t foresee sales being that frequent of a thing, so this may be it for a while.

I also rarely update here now but for those who might’ve forgotten, we’re over halfway through Soulless. There are ten weeks’ worth of chapters to go. I’m still deciding what (if anything) I’ll serialize after it; it’s reminded me what I used to like about eserials but also the things I do not miss at all. We’ll see!

Mar 21 2014

Why You Need to Buy SELENE

Lilith Saintcrow’s Selene releases in ebook today–for the next several weeks, it’s exclusive to her online bookstore. This contains the prequel, Brother’s Keeper, and the sequel short, Just Ask, as well as the previously serialized novel.

I often write up quickie reviews of things I work on but not full reviews because, well, conflict of interest and all that, even if I worked primarily as a graphic designer, but the truth is that I end up working on fabulous books and I want to tell people about them. Selene is no exception, so here are a few quick words on something I loved about it.

It’s set in the same world as Lili’s Dante Valentine books, though it takes place prior to them and stands alone just fine. This is a post-war world, a dark future version of ours; the worldbuilding is detailed while still being easy to follow, and glimpses of it will be familiar to Danny Valentine readers. Selene is a sexwitch, a slave to her body’s requirement to use sex to recharge her magical batteries, so to speak. She’s tied to Nikolai, a bloodsucking Nichtvren, who is the city’s Prime Power; using him to recharge said batteries keeps her off the streets, true, but she’s essentially indentured.

The Dante Valentine books give a very realistic portrayal of what it would be like to actually be in a relationship with a demon–a creature so foreign, so alien, that it simply doesn’t think like we do, and even when well-meaning it functions on a logic entirely different from a human’s (a contrast to most PNR). A similar attention is given to Nikolai; Saintcrow is one of the few paranormal authors I’ve ever read who actually seems to have considered what an ancient vampire would be like. There’s never a doubt that he cares for Selene, but it’s love from his point of view. And that’s not entirely compatible with what you, I, or Selene would see as “love”. This is never forgotten for a moment in the text: he is not some dangerous but cuddly alpha male she needs to just shut up and submit to. He isn’t human, and as fascinating as this makes him, it’s means they aren’t on equal footing and this is never something romanticized.

Likewise, Selene is an unflinching depiction of what it would actually be like to be “owned” by a monster. How you can be attracted to one and care for one on some level, but know its an unhealthy situation you need to be free of before it kills you. To be trapped, literally enslaved, by forces out of your control, and having the constant tug of needing freedom even if it means your life. There is no swooning, I-will-bow-to-your-will here. Selene is her own person and desperately needs to be free. Saintcrow never takes the easy way out with any of her characters, but especially not Selene, who never loses her desire to be in control of her own life. Her arc from controlled to in control is wonderful to follow.

Though Selene–the novel–ends the only way it could have, the sequel short at the end, Just Ask, provides a satisfying conclusion to Selene and Nikolai’s story. This isn’t a happily-ever-after, tied up in a bow sort of world, but it’s a REAL one full of hope…which, for me, is a perfect ending.

You can currently get Selene for just $5.99–a steal for what’s technically a three-for-one–exclusively at Lili’s site in HTML, MOBI, PDF, or EPUB. It releases elsewhere for $6.99 on May 1, and later will be available in print.

And a small reminder: thank you to those who buy books. Because it matters. Series get cancelled. The numbers have to be there for writers to continue to publish, and midlisters need the support. And I want writers like Lili, who put so much time and attention into their craft, to always be able to publish their work. Thank you to those of you who help them do so.

About Selene:

Life isn’t easy for a sexwitch. Even your own body betrays you. It’s bad enough that Selene is part slave to Nikolai, the Prime Power of Saint City, but she’s got her brother Danny and she’s got her job at the college. In the postwar wreckage of an uncertain world, it’s pretty much all she’s ever allowed herself to want.

Then Danny ends up murdered, and Selene finds herself a pawn in a dangerous game. Indentured to a bloodsucking Nichtvren and helpless, told to stop trying to uncover the identity of her brother’s killer, Selene has nowhere to turn. If she’s a good girl, Nikolai will leave her a little bit of freedom. He’ll take care of her, and she’ll be safe–if she obeys.

But Selene hasn’t survived this long by being obedient to her cursed powers, or to the men who buy her time. Her brother was all she had, and now she’s ready to borrow, beg, lie, steal or kill–whatever it takes to avenge him.

And if Nikolai gets in the way, Selene will use every tool in her arsenal to make him regret it…

This special edition also contains the prequel short story Brother’s Keeper and the sequel short story Just Ask.

Speaking of excellent books to read, I have Wayfarer here awaiting my attention this fine Friday afternoon. I haven’t slept in a week and I think lounging with the cats and reading is exactly what my brain needs…

Mar 17 2014

Getting to the Bottom of Guys on Top with Darien Cox

CriminalPleasures_ARE SeducingProfessorCoyle-lg Darien Cox popped my cherry.

My m/m cherry, that is. Yes, prior to his work, I’d never m/m romance, but having worked with Cox his wonderful SF hetero erom debut, Fluid Motion (for reals, go read, because it’s delicious and fun with characters I adored), I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work on future books that were all m/m. And since then I’ve worked with Darien as an artist and an editor for nearly two years, and it was a thrill to see his work pay off when Seducing Professor Coyle took off last September. The streak continued when his sixth book, Criminal Pleasures, exploded on the m/m scene in November, and now we have Guys on Top.

It’s a non-traditional romance, a character-driven piece that defies reader expectations, and a must read for anyone looking for a well-written m/m that’s definitely out of the box. Below the blurb you’ll find a Q&A with Darien about his new release as well as a chance to win an eBook from his backlist.

Doug Crandall’s perfect suburban life imploded after his boyfriend’s betrayal and a subsequent lawsuit left him personally and financially devastated. A year later, with a new place in the city and a fresh outlook, he’s back on his feet and ready to start over. Eager to lose his cynicism and heal his battered heart, he immerses himself in the local social scene, which includes a pair of charismatic men engaged in an open relationship. As Doug finds himself becoming emotionally and sexually entangled in their lives, he’s forced to reevaluate his views on fidelity, betrayal, love, and the often calamitous price of happiness.

Guys On Top is very different from your previous novels. What inspired you to write about the somewhat risky topic of open relationships?

I knew I was taking a chance covering this topic because of the subject matter. But I’ve known many people who’ve been in similar situations, and decided it was something worth exploring. I have a very close friend whose been in a committed relationship with his boyfriend for years, but when they first met, his boyfriend was in an open relationship with two other men. I found this fascinating, and one nosy afternoon I asked if he’d share his feelings on those early days when they met, how it went down, how he felt about it at the time. He was kind enough to share details regarding his insecurities initially – the jealousy that lingered for a while after they got together, wondering if his new love would eventually decide one man wasn’t enough, since he’d come from such a completely different, non-monogamous situation. That conversation and others I had with friends gave me the fodder I needed to start the story. I wanted to make it a fun experience, but I also wanted to treat the subject matter with respect. I tried very hard to keep an unbiased balance and show both sides of the coin. I didn’t want to present either monogamy or open relationships as ‘the right’ choice. Because in the end the only right choice is what’s right for the individuals involved.

Doug is very conflicted internally as a character, going back and forth regarding his decision to accept Stewart’s attentions and his feeling that it’s wrong somehow. How did you determine his motivation for the decisions he makes?

Edges-lg Doug’s at a place in his life where he’s learning to accept change, and that the life we have in mind for ourselves isn’t always what we get. After his ideas of what his life is ‘supposed’ to be like are shattered, he’s forced to open his mind to new things, and that’s one of the reason he tries to accept Stewart and Corey’s situation, though part of him rejects it completely. But he’s ultimately motivated by his feelings for Stewart. Falling in love is one of the most out of control experiences we can have as human beings. We’re wired for it, all those lusty chemicals clouding our brains, often a battle between what the body wants, what the heart wants, and what the logical mind tells you is the right thing to do. It’s easy to stand on the outside of that and decide ‘Dude, you’re playing with fire, stop now.’ But when you’re in it, being carried away by that hurricane of feelings, it’s a gamble which side is gonna win out, and sometimes the call of the heart is too strong to fight.

Corey’s character is described as ‘larger than life’. He provides a lot of comic relief. How did you come up with Corey’s character and what purpose do you think he serves in the story?

Corey is actually based on someone I know – and that someone knows I exploited his personality in this book- but I won’t out him! I think we’ve all had that friend who possesses that certain glow, a magnetic power that makes them stand out in a crowd, and makes people want to be near them, to have a little piece of it for themselves. Of course with Corey I took it to the next level, making him a self-proclaimed healer, accentuating his ‘magical’ qualities. But when someone has that otherworldly vibe, it’s easy to forget that they’re real, and have their own emotions and personal pain. With Corey, Doug is forced to look beyond his prejudices and learn there’s often more to what we see on the surface. Corey is also the obstacle wedged between Doug and his desire for Stewart. Not only because Corey is Stewart’s boyfriend, but because he’s everything Doug is not, and therefore makes him question himself, and if he alone will ever be enough.

Without giving away spoilers, all of the characters in the story end up in a very different place than they started out. But despite all the chaos and upending of lives, there’s a sense of hopefulness in the end. Was there a message there or were you just aiming for happily ever after for the sake of the story?

Cameraman-lg I guess one message is that life can really screw with you, and things are going to happen that make you feel like you’ve lost everything, that you simply don’t have the strength to start over, much less be hopeful about the future. But short of crawling into a hole until you die, there’s really no other choice but to dust yourself off and try again – but it can take WORK. The other message is that no one is immune to falling in love, no matter what their situation. It’ll sneak up and grab you by the balls when you’re not looking. Despite this being the key to all romance stories—the fantasy of love coming along and knocking you on your ass—how the character handles it is what makes it interesting. There’s a reality to it that everyone can relate to, no matter how different we all are.

Do you think some readers will be unsettled by the subject matter of Guys On Top, since it steps outside the lines of a conventional romance story? Do you read your reviews?

I certainly considered that before publishing it, which is why I included the open relationship aspect in the cover blurb. I wanted people to know what they were getting into if they picked up this book. That might have backfired on me in a few cases, as some feedback I’ve gotten is that people expected it to be more of a straight on ménage story. But so far the response has been incredibly positive. I try not to spend too much time reading reviews because it keeps me locked in the mindset of this book rather than what I should be doing, which is write the next one! But people send me review links a lot, and I always read those. I have wonderful, intelligent readers, and am grateful they’ve been willing to trust me to take them off the beaten path with Guys On Top.

Can you give us any hints of what you have in store for your next book?

BodySurf-lg My plan is to take it down to the beach for the next one, since summer is coming and I’m in that kind of mood. But I’ve been having so much fun doing the city settings as in Criminal Pleasures and Guys On Top, it’s been a tough call! But none of my books ever turn out exactly the way I plan initially, so I’m banking on the hope that the new characters will come to life and let me know what they want. And that’s all another way to say I have no clue yet! But I hope to gain one soon.

Thank you for dropping by, Darien!

Now, for the giveaway. You have a week to enter, and lots of ways to get entries. Leave a comment, ask Darien a question, follow on Twitter, Tweet the giveaway. Have at it! Winner will be randomly drawn to win their choice of ANY eBook from Darien’s backlist (I believe the format choices are MOBI, PDF, EPUB, so there’s something for every ereader). That includes Fluid Motion, Body Surf, Cameraman, Edges, Seducing Professor Coyle, or Criminal Pleasures.

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Darien Cox lives in New England, bouncing back and forth between the mountain and the ocean states, anywhere there’s a wave or a ski slope. A nature lover and thrill seeker, he enjoys exploring the intensity, insanity, humor and chaos that accompanies cupid’s arrow, whether it’s love at first sight or just the overwhelming power of lust. Mystery, thriller, and paranormal elements are occasionally tossed in to further spice up the mix, because let’s face it—sometimes the world is not enough.

On the Web: http://dariencox.com/
On Twitter: https://twitter.com/DarienCox
On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/darien.cox.98

Mar 10 2014

Why I Write the Terrible Things I Write

photo credit: Leanne Surfleet via photopin cc

This post came from this essay in the sense there were a few lines I’ve heard repeatedly in a lot of conversations over the years, which got me thinking on these topics, but it’s not a response to said essay. So while I may be using it as a jumping off point as it’s the most recent time I’ve read these sorts of comments, it’s not about that other post and if you have problems with that essay, it’s best to take it to the original site in question.

[Rape]’s a part of our entertainment. Of course Top of the Lake or The Killing didn’t spare me from the gory details of their fictional gang-rapes. Why would they? We’re used to this. We aren’t horrified anymore because it happens so fucking often. Women are victimized, women are victimized, women are victimized. Bodies chopped up. Invaded. Buried. The end. Tune in next week. There is an entire Law and Order series dedicated to sexual crimes. We tune in to watch it with a tacit acceptance. A sigh. Yes, this happens. What a shame. We shrug and watch and feel better that fictional justice is meted out, but don’t worry about the fact that no one helped her in the moment.

This is, I think, a valid criticism worth a lot of discussion. Some authors have come out over the past few years to say no, in their fiction, their heroines will not experience rape. Yes it’s part of life for many, yes it happens in the “real” world, but it doesn’t have to happen in their fictional worlds. They are going to tell stories full of conflict and not have their heroines raped because it’s such a shortcut, an easy way to give a woman a painful backstory or explain a prickly personality.

Again, valid. I respect the hell out of that. That choice is no more wrong than my choice not to maim kittens in my books or another writer’s choice not to harm fictional children.

But I am coming out to say the opposite.

You write a lot of books, you start to notice themes you come back to again and again. I keep coming back to betrayal, self-reliance vs accepting help, self-harm and self-loathing, abandonment, the capacity to commit violence, insanity. I’ll probably continue writing those subjects. And for the foreseeable future, I will continue to write about sexual assault. Sometimes as part of backstory, sometimes in the novels themselves. Not every hero or heroine, not every female character, not in every book. But it will be ever-present in my fiction and it will never be off the table.

I am just as tired as others of seeing sexual violence, in particular (but not exclusively) against women, be treated as exploitative, titillating, and lazy storytelling. I’ve been really hurt by these depictions by authors who didn’t bother to understand the psychology of different survivors, or who treated sexual assault as a plot device with no consideration of realistic consequences. But I think the two responses–one of not having a heroine assaulted and one of approaching assault with care and nuance–are both valid and dovetail one another’s efforts to combat rape culture.

I write these stories, in short, because I need to. And I know others need to read them.

I wrote this post specifically because someone very close to me was molested as a child by a family member and to this day no one will talk about it with her. Her family won’t acknowledge it. She was repeatedly silenced as a young woman when she tried to come forward in an effort to protect another child, and when leaving an abusive marriage as an adult in the 70s, she was once again silenced. And the more I listened to her, the more I realized how often she’d been shut down and no one had said those very simple words–I believe you–because it made them uncomfortable to acknowledge it, the more determined I became to tell these stories and explore all facets of being a survivor.

The survivors who fight back.

The survivors who don’t.

The survivors who learn to be okay again.

The survivors who continue to struggle years later.

The survivors in denial.

The survivors who become self-destructive.

The survivors who are believed.

The survivors who are blamed.

The criticisms of, say, a show like Law & Order: SUV are understandable. My heart goes out to those who cannot stomach it and find it triggering. But there is no denying the number of survivors who find it cathartic–those who watched an experience start similar to their own but play out in a way where the victim was believed, where authorities fought for him or her. That catharsis is just as important and valid for them as the choice not to watch those stories.

Choosing to view or write these stories, to utilize them in order to help process and heal, and to safely explore in a self-controlled setting a subject that is about having control taken away, is valid and important.

My characters exist in worlds where sexual violence is a real, sometimes experienced threat, just like I and others in my life do. But unlike ours, these fictional worlds allow me to go beyond and show more. Men who force women aren’t romanticized. Consent matters. Survivors are believed and their experiences are validated. Wounds scar but heal. Assaulting and being assaulted has consequences. Characters find strength even when they’re bruised, broken, and betrayed. In stories, despite it being a fictional account, I can say in the text that I believe you. I believe this thing happened to you, and I’m sorry, and the world isn’t always fair to people who have been through that but you have and will continue to survive.

These are stories I still need to tell and to explore. What happened to Zara in Exhumed and how she continued to deal with it in Damaged was a story of hers I needed to tell and something I needed to explore. The other books of mine on my harddrive you’ve not read but that deal with these subjects are areas I needed to explore.

I just handed a book to my beta reader with a scene where a woman who has survived previous intimate partner violence fought back during an attempted date rape. It was difficult and ugly and a scene that would likely trigger people. I had to get drunk to write it. It still makes me queasy. But the story needed it, the character needed it, and I needed it. I needed that moment when she decides not to be frozen, or passive, or “nice” for once in her life; I needed the moment she faces the terror of saying “This is not okay” when it’s been ingrained in her to just lie back and accept; I needed the moment when she fights back; I needed the moment when she realizes that has just as many consequences as not fighting back. And as she says in the current WIP:

“They get away with it. They have everything. And I have to live with it. The times I didn’t fight back and the time I did. Every goddamn day, I live with it.”

My books will (likely) always explore what it means to live with it.

Above entertainment and to make a living, I write to give myself strength. I write to change the things that happen to me and others. I write to explore the people I know I’m not and the people I’m afraid I am. I write to process and to understand; I write for catharsis; I write to express trauma and transmute reality. I write to give the darkness in me a place to go. I write to have and to give hope. And I write what I write because it’s necessary for me to survive.

I have nothing but respect for those who don’t want to live with it in fiction when they already do in their real lives, and who provide stories without rape. Many readers need that.

But no matter how weary the subject can make me, no matter how tired I am of this reality, I can’t. And it’s okay if my books aren’t for you because of that. I write for those who, for whatever reason, need these stories to be told.

I write stories about terrible things because I need to tell them.

———–

Note: This was a difficult thing for me to post. Behave in the comments.