Shawn had his ultrasound today! And it went fairly well. He has a shaved chest and belly that is totally adorable, and even though I had to take his food away at midnight and he was SUPER hangry, he has since forgiven me.

His heart looked okay, so we’re all heaving a big cautious sigh of relief because it still has to go to a cardiologist to review. It’ll be a few more days before I hear about that, but for now, this means that even if he does have an issue, it’s not going to kill him in the immediate future.

He did not get his bloodwork because he said NO THANK YOU, I WANT TO GO HOME AND EAT NOW, so we’ll schedule that for later just to double check some potential neurological stuff I saw. Today’s bill with tax was just over $800 and I paid it all in one go. My sincerest thanks to everyone who contributed in some way, I actually feel lighter.

The premade cover sale is continuing until December 1.

The Emaleth’s Cat story fundraising is still going to give folks a chance to grab that before November 30. Any remaining money will go for his bloodwork in a few weeks. I’m five hundred words into it and should be delivering it the first of December.

I feel like I’ve aged ten years with worry the past while (combined with handraising the kittens, which also knocked a decade off my life, I’m basically ready for retirement now), and am trying to unwind a little to get back into some semblance of a schedule.

Good news–the appointment is scheduled for tomorrow! The estimate is also a little bit less than my research indicated, though the number might fluctuate a little depending on a couple of factors.

It comes not a minute too soon because I had a meltdown Saturday night when I thought he might’ve coughed.

Some premade covers have sold, and I had another thought yesterday that might be fun–three years ago a friend did a fundraiser for the not-for-profit where I volunteer, and I shamelessly took said idea.

I’m going to write the story of how the Talbot family got their family cat Giles–and you can read it for throwing a buck in the pot.

There are various prizes I’ll randomly draw for should the total climb higher. Any excess raised will be put down on my account at the vet so I have it for whatever else he needs.

You’ll find all the details on this page.

The story will be sent to everyone toward the end of November or early December. It’ll go on Patreon next year and not be available for sale elsewhere. The fundraiser will stay open until November 30.

On Tuesday my vet very calmly told me there is some arrhythmia when she listened to Shawn’s heartbeat.

I did not have a panic attack…because I already had one the night before when preparing for that very thing, though I did need to go home and have a Valium and cry all night with worry.

It might be absolutely nothing and just a sign of him being stressed at the vet (he was quite uncertain about what was going on and why people kept poking at him). But he’s the surviving member of his entire family so the only history we have is Gus. I don’t want to take any chances and I can’t live constantly afraid like this–if there is something wrong, or some problem beginning, I want to be able to start treatment immediately and at least prepare for it. Every moment since the afternoon we lost Gus, I’ve been scared of this very thing.

Cardiac ultrasounds aren’t cheap. Though I’d already been saving for one, all the vet bills this fall have depleted what I had, and my work hours have dropped drastically this whole time I’ve been ill (and I can’t realistically take on a bunch more projects this month, or I’ll work myself sick again, which I can’t afford to do). So I’m using what resources I already have to bring in extra cash–or hoping to.

The first is a premade cover sale.

These covers can be customized in a couple of business days if you’re ready now, or reserved for later use.

15% off all covers, including ones already discounted and the trilogy sets, when entering the code PINEAPPLE* at checkout via my online shop.

I’d appreciate it shared far and wide, if you have writer circles or friends who might be looking for that special cover. Various genres available.

The same code also works for my online ebook shop: 15% off with the code PINEAPPLE. Mobi/Epub/Pdf available of all my books, and some are only available there (the Livi Talbot Holiday Short, Dial V for Vampire, 9 Crimes, Prey).

I also have most of my print books available for sale, which can be signed and inscribed for you or a friend. No discounts there as I sell what I pay for them and you’ll be billed later for shipping (unless you’re local). The list and instructions are here.

I don’t have the estimated cost of the ultrasound yet or a date (I’ll be calling on Monday to remind them), so I’ve set the sales to go until December 1 in the hopes that’s enough time. We’re doing bloodwork that day as well, so I’m likely looking at around $1K if my research on costs is accurate. It’ll either tell us the heart looks fine, the heart has some kind of defect, or there might be some heart issue starting and we should recheck in six months.

I am thoroughly terrified. I actually started on CBD oil this week in the hopes it might better manage my anxiety. I don’t think I will survive losing him.

Other than that, everything is pretty quiet around here. I am doing my best to cope with stuff, but I’m exhausted and frustrated by how limited my energy is after being sick, and still really depressed at the state of the Livi series. I’m really struggling with any sort of human interaction–it takes me about ten times as long to send work emails as usual and I have (non-work) messages from weeks ago I haven’t been able to reply to. I try to keep reminding myself that my avoidance and paralysis is my brain trying to protect me from expending emotional energy I don’t have now–so many frustrating behaviors of ours are survival mechanisms–but it doesn’t make coping any easier. I’m hoping when I shake this cough I’ll crawl my way back out again.

I just want my kitten to be okay.

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*I debated for a while what to make the coupon code and opted for pineapple, obviously.

In October I had $1100 in vet bills (and I lost Marcus), food poisoning, and a very bad cold that has left me in bed for a week and that I’m still recovering from. Now I have a cat with a bad ear infection and aural hematoma to contend with, so the rest of the year is probably going to be garbage.

Anyway! I finished writing a thing while I was drugged up with NyQuil and posted it today for Patrons. Surprise!

It’s not a story, in that there is no standard structure or anything. It’s just writing I was doing for myself that I thought I’d provide for patrons as they await the next book.

Next is the new River story coming for Christmas–I have to do a revision pass before I send it for copyedits (preferably when I’m not drugged up on NyQuil). Funny thing about dipping back into that world–last night the whole final story bloomed in my head, the one I want to do after Wolfe that’s set about a decade+ after the initial series.

I haven’t the time–too much else to write, and I haven’t done the Wolfe revisions yet anyway–but it’s weird how something sneaks up on you. For now, the image of River climbing into a blind to attack a hunter and threaten him for being on her property–and then stealing his rifle–will remain in my brain.