zara lain — Page 3

January 5, 2015 By Skyla Dawn Cameron

Won’t You Be My Patron?

(Just sing the blog subject line to this tune.)

So yeah, this is a thing I am trying. Whee!

The blurb on the site explains it all–why I’m doing it, what the rewards are, and what milestones can be unlocked. In a nutshell, this is one of the things that will let me write more books for you to read instead of the projects that currently pay my bills.

Regarding Amends, the blurb is on the site and its page here–it’s a project I’ve been asked about a few times over the past couple of years, covering some of Zara’s time between Bloodlines and Hunter (and relates to Zombie Fairies from Whiskey Sour). It was originally meant as a freebie. I really debated trying once more to do a free serial, but last time it didn’t get past five chapters and I figured that would happen again. Last time I was exhausted with work and writing and I didn’t have time to keep it up. It’s not a freebie now because I can’t afford to do free serials anymore and cross my fingers for reader donations after the fact, so I’m trying something different.

I totally understand not being able to contribute. I looked at a lot of Patreon creator pages as I was setting mine up and a lot of people stressed the “$2 a month is less than ONE of your daily coffee” thing, which I get, but honestly it bugs me a little because *I* rarely have that sitting around once a month. My favourite living author set up a Patreon page and I sure as hell couldn’t guarantee I had an extra $5 a month to give, as much as I love her and her work. I know what it’s like to be in a perpetual state of being broke, balancing on nothing.

Also, coffee is really fucking awesome. I like coffee (even though I can no longer have caffeine). A lot of the time, I’d rather have a coffee than whatever less-than-the-price-of-a-coffee thing I’m being offered. I don’t blame you if you like coffee more than me–*I* like coffee more than I like me.

But if you have some extra pennies a month (like…the cost of one cup of coffee) and want to support my ongoing urban fantasy/paranormal efforts, there you go, and there are some fun rewards to go along with it. And if you have more than a few extra pennies, you can get more than a few extras as well.

Extras like…shop coupon codes, free books at certain levels both e and print, and for everyone at $5/month and up, you can get an exclusive, five-chapter look at my unpublished urban fantasy adventure novel Solomon’s Seal. Which you might’ve heard me talk about one or ten million times because that series is my favourite. It’s available for download immediately.

Amends launches when we hit $100/month–currently it’s partially written and roughly planned, so when the money is regular, I can take some time each month to polish it up and post it. It will be exclusive to Patreon backers in 2015 (or the next year; I’ve no idea when we’ll hit that milestone). When it’s complete, I’ll consider releasing it for sale, but the initial intention is to keep it just for patrons for a time as a thank you.

Short term, at $75 (my monthly medication cost, which currently comes out of grocery money), there’s a short story set in the ‘verse about a pair of assassins who pick the wrong target to hunt. It’s called Prey and I’m about 80% done writing it at the moment, having a blast. It’ll go up for patrons when the milestone is reached.

There are lofty, distant goals beyond that–nothing ventured nothing gained, and I see this as a long term thing so maybe in a few years we’ll get there. I believe you can also contribute any amount you want per month–wherever your $ falls within the reward levels, you get those goodies.

Thank you for considering it and Happy New Year!

[As an aside, this was planned and put together like a month before the Doombuggy thing, which is yet another reason I felt awful asking for help, knowing I was about to launch a long term Patreon thing. But there you go.]

ETA: Patrons at all levels can access the first chapter of Devour, the Soulless-sequel-Skyla-never-finished, which was recently resurrected from my dead computer.

July 4, 2014 By Skyla Dawn Cameron 4 Comments

“When’s That Book Coming?” Summer Update (AKA On Oblivion)

What’s New

First, Soulless is over, all but the first five chapters are down from the site, but the full book is available in the store. It’s still PWYC (sorta–there are a bunch of price options in lieu of the old donation button) with the lowest option being $3 because this is a full-length novel–not a novella or short story, but just a little shorter than my usual work–and that seemed fair.

What’s Upcoming

Second…River has funded.

River is set to release toward the end of next month, because you guys are AWESOME.

Melissa is organizing the blog tour and you can sign up here if you’re a blogger.

Campaign contributors: I’ve been picking up perk items and updates are incoming, I’ve just had a really rough June. Thank you so much for your patience.

What About the Sequel?

For the sequel, Wolfe…because the funding reached it’s stretch goal, Wolfe will be republished. Because, again, you guys are AWESOME.

It won’t be on my plate until next year but it will re-release in at least ebook sometime in 2015, after rewrites and such. The cover is done and will be revealed in the back of River.

What I’m Working On (or Not)…

The biggest news I have is that, other than River releasing…I will likely have no news for the next several months.

A few inquiries came in around the same time in May about Demons of Oblivion–questioning when I’m going to get going on the next book and the ones after it, etc. I sat down and did the math, looking at precisely how many copies Exhumed sold in two years to see if I could justify the time spent on Oblivion this year.

The result is that I had to make the difficult decision to take Oblivion off my plate this year and cancel all planned books after it.

[this is not a decision I made lightly, so below are details for those who care; otherwise, just skip to the next heading]

I have to split my writing time (which I siphon from my freelancing time, since I’m in my 30s now and physically can’t bear 16hr days at the computer) between passion projects and pay projects. Passion projects are what I write for my own sanity; pay projects are what I write for money.

Unfortunately, Oblivion is currently at the bottom of both project lists.

Even writing quickly as I do with a solid zero draft, I can only pull off 3-4 books a year if I want them to have any emotional depth and care to them. They’re each 90K-100K words long, and that can be anywhere from 200 to 300 hours per book. And as I write very deep first person, the books are emotionally draining and require a recovery period.

In nearly two years, the amount of money I’ve made on Exhumed is under $2 per hour spent on it.

And that’s a book written quickly, five months spent on three drafts, plus edits, and taking in consideration that I’ve sold twice as many books after striking out on my own. The reality is that Oblivion will sell even fewer copies because it’s “not a Zara book” regardless of the fact that every book is a “Zara book” and what the rest have all been leading to. I will also have to pay out of pocket* to have it edited. At this rate, a decade could go by before Oblivion is worth the time sunk into it.

I get that the series is unfinished and a full-length novel hasn’t come out since mid-2012, and that sucks for readers. And I am really sorry about that.

But, to be blunt, what sucks MORE is that I lost twelve pounds in May because I couldn’t afford groceries and had to ration the food already on hand for the next four to six weeks. I am up to my eyes in vet bills with more on the horizon and it will actively cause my dog harm if I’m unable to pay for treatment. I don’t say this for pity, but as an example of the reality I live with. We write for the love, yes, but we publish for the money.

I’m not just intentionally dicking around with Oblivion or procrastinating: it’s financially irresponsible for me to make this series a priority.

Further, I’ve been saying for two years now, “future books will depend on sales” which was my nice way of saying, “I am extremely doubtful but I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet.” Bloodlines has been out in one form or another since 2008. Exhumed has been out since 2012. These books have had long enough. It’s not fair for me to keep telling readers “maybe” when all evidence has pointed to a definitive “no” for years.

You guys deserve better than that.

So What Does that Mean for Oblivion?

Oblivion will still go exactly as I’d planned it. It caps off one arc and lays the threads for the next. Those threads just won’t be picked up again** but it will have, I hope, a satisfying conclusion.***

It just won’t happen until next year at the earliest because I have to be in a more financially secure place before I can make it priority.

I have many wonderful supportive readers and I am so incredibly grateful that you found the books and have followed them, and that they (hopefully) brought you some entertainment and escape. And I wish I could do better by you, and I wish I could’ve done better by the story. I love the characters, I love the world, and while I’m tremendously proud of it, I don’t think the, “What ifs” will ever stop playing in my head.

Realistically, I think there was a lot stacked against the series–some on my end, as I don’t make the, er, “traditional” marketing choices in what I write (alternating narrators for starters)–while other factors were out of my control in terms of the (lack of) promotional push the books had in small press way back when they debuted, and my lack of financial means to give them continual pushes now. And there’s also the “click” factor–some books click with enough readers to sustain them and take off, others don’t, and we’ll never know why.****

Regardless, it’s done. And it’s a bit of a relief to let it go because my stress level doesn’t need the guilt I’ve been feeling.

So that is where things stand. River will likely be out at the end next month. Usually my next quarterly state of the union is in October but I might skip it in favor of a January one; I’m hibernating for a few months to work on things so I don’t get kicked out of my apartment. I have a lot of irons in the fire right now, including for-pay writing projects that need 100% of my focus.

Thank you again for the time you’ve spent with my world and characters, and for your continued interest in more works by me. You are few, but you are mighty, and your love for these fictional people means the world to me. I wouldn’t trade you for anything.

(Except Doritos. I’d probably trade you for Doritos right now. But only Sweet Chili Heat. Maybe Jalapeno Cheddar.)

——–

* A reader offered to lend me money to publish Oblivion (and I know others might as well), but a. it’s not just the cost of editing/publishing: the real issue is the time invested, and art patrons are unfortunately no longer A Thing (I know about Patreon, but I’d need a couple thousand regular readers to sustain that given 2-4% might donate), and b. I don’t accept loans from anyone ever.

And I’m not terribly comfortable doing another crowdfunding thing. Oblivion would end up tapping the same people, and I absolutely refuse to dip into the pool of my friends to give me money every time I want to publish a book.

** Unless, of course, future books leap onto the pleasure project list, in which case I’ll one day consider releasing them.

*** If you’re only reading for Zara/Nate, I’ll stop you right here. Nate is barely in the book. There is no conclusion to their relationship (unless I decide to kill one of them). It is *not* paranormal romance series; it is urban fantasy and, as such, the main plot arc is not about two people hooking up so it is not my focus.

**** It was actually suggested that people won’t buy/review/recommend my books because of my name. o.O

I am an obscure UF writer from small press which is not known for its marketing. Exposure is pretty hit or miss, and for me it’s been miss. Further…look, if you’re not reading my books because you don’t like my name? That’s your loss. IT’S MY NAME, not a “brand”. My identity. It’s who I am, and after being made fun of for it during most of my school years, I have embraced it and it’s important to me. If that’s enough to turn anyone off of my work, I wish them well elsewhere.

ETA Nov 1014: Also? Turns out I am really fucking sick. So I’m on a hiatus from publishing for a least a little while.

March 10, 2014 By Skyla Dawn Cameron 2 Comments

Why I Write the Terrible Things I Write

photo credit: Leanne Surfleet via photopin cc

This post came from this essay in the sense there were a few lines I’ve heard repeatedly in a lot of conversations over the years, which got me thinking on these topics, but it’s not a response to said essay. So while I may be using it as a jumping off point as it’s the most recent time I’ve read these sorts of comments, it’s not about that other post and if you have problems with that essay, it’s best to take it to the original site in question.

[Rape]’s a part of our entertainment. Of course Top of the Lake or The Killing didn’t spare me from the gory details of their fictional gang-rapes. Why would they? We’re used to this. We aren’t horrified anymore because it happens so fucking often. Women are victimized, women are victimized, women are victimized. Bodies chopped up. Invaded. Buried. The end. Tune in next week. There is an entire Law and Order series dedicated to sexual crimes. We tune in to watch it with a tacit acceptance. A sigh. Yes, this happens. What a shame. We shrug and watch and feel better that fictional justice is meted out, but don’t worry about the fact that no one helped her in the moment.

This is, I think, a valid criticism worth a lot of discussion. Some authors have come out over the past few years to say no, in their fiction, their heroines will not experience rape. Yes it’s part of life for many, yes it happens in the “real” world, but it doesn’t have to happen in their fictional worlds. They are going to tell stories full of conflict and not have their heroines raped because it’s such a shortcut, an easy way to give a woman a painful backstory or explain a prickly personality.

Again, valid. I respect the hell out of that. That choice is no more wrong than my choice not to maim kittens in my books or another writer’s choice not to harm fictional children.

But I am coming out to say the opposite.

You write a lot of books, you start to notice themes you come back to again and again. I keep coming back to betrayal, self-reliance vs accepting help, self-harm and self-loathing, abandonment, the capacity to commit violence, insanity. I’ll probably continue writing those subjects. And for the foreseeable future, I will continue to write about sexual assault. Sometimes as part of backstory, sometimes in the novels themselves. Not every hero or heroine, not every female character, not in every book. But it will be ever-present in my fiction and it will never be off the table.

I am just as tired as others of seeing sexual violence, in particular (but not exclusively) against women, be treated as exploitative, titillating, and lazy storytelling. I’ve been really hurt by these depictions by authors who didn’t bother to understand the psychology of different survivors, or who treated sexual assault as a plot device with no consideration of realistic consequences. But I think the two responses–one of not having a heroine assaulted and one of approaching assault with care and nuance–are both valid and dovetail one another’s efforts to combat rape culture.

I write these stories, in short, because I need to. And I know others need to read them.

I wrote this post specifically because someone very close to me was molested as a child by a family member and to this day no one will talk about it with her. Her family won’t acknowledge it. She was repeatedly silenced as a young woman when she tried to come forward in an effort to protect another child, and when leaving an abusive marriage as an adult in the 70s, she was once again silenced. And the more I listened to her, the more I realized how often she’d been shut down and no one had said those very simple words–I believe you–because it made them uncomfortable to acknowledge it, the more determined I became to tell these stories and explore all facets of being a survivor.

The survivors who fight back.

The survivors who don’t.

The survivors who learn to be okay again.

The survivors who continue to struggle years later.

The survivors in denial.

The survivors who become self-destructive.

The survivors who are believed.

The survivors who are blamed.

The criticisms of, say, a show like Law & Order: SUV are understandable. My heart goes out to those who cannot stomach it and find it triggering. But there is no denying the number of survivors who find it cathartic–those who watched an experience start similar to their own but play out in a way where the victim was believed, where authorities fought for him or her. That catharsis is just as important and valid for them as the choice not to watch those stories.

Choosing to view or write these stories, to utilize them in order to help process and heal, and to safely explore in a self-controlled setting a subject that is about having control taken away, is valid and important.

My characters exist in worlds where sexual violence is a real, sometimes experienced threat, just like I and others in my life do. But unlike ours, these fictional worlds allow me to go beyond and show more. Men who force women aren’t romanticized. Consent matters. Survivors are believed and their experiences are validated. Wounds scar but heal. Assaulting and being assaulted has consequences. Characters find strength even when they’re bruised, broken, and betrayed. In stories, despite it being a fictional account, I can say in the text that I believe you. I believe this thing happened to you, and I’m sorry, and the world isn’t always fair to people who have been through that but you have and will continue to survive.

These are stories I still need to tell and to explore. What happened to Zara in Exhumed and how she continued to deal with it in Damaged was a story of hers I needed to tell and something I needed to explore. The other books of mine on my harddrive you’ve not read but that deal with these subjects are areas I needed to explore.

I just handed a book to my beta reader with a scene where a woman who has survived previous intimate partner violence fought back during an attempted date rape. It was difficult and ugly and a scene that would likely trigger people. I had to get drunk to write it. It still makes me queasy. But the story needed it, the character needed it, and I needed it. I needed that moment when she decides not to be frozen, or passive, or “nice” for once in her life; I needed the moment she faces the terror of saying “This is not okay” when it’s been ingrained in her to just lie back and accept; I needed the moment when she fights back; I needed the moment when she realizes that has just as many consequences as not fighting back. And as she says in the current WIP:

“They get away with it. They have everything. And I have to live with it. The times I didn’t fight back and the time I did. Every goddamn day, I live with it.”

My books will (likely) always explore what it means to live with it.

Above entertainment and to make a living, I write to give myself strength. I write to change the things that happen to me and others. I write to explore the people I know I’m not and the people I’m afraid I am. I write to process and to understand; I write for catharsis; I write to express trauma and transmute reality. I write to give the darkness in me a place to go. I write to have and to give hope. And I write what I write because it’s necessary for me to survive.

I have nothing but respect for those who don’t want to live with it in fiction when they already do in their real lives, and who provide stories without rape. Many readers need that.

But no matter how weary the subject can make me, no matter how tired I am of this reality, I can’t. And it’s okay if my books aren’t for you because of that. I write for those who, for whatever reason, need these stories to be told.

I write stories about terrible things because I need to tell them.

———–

Note: This was a difficult thing for me to post. Behave in the comments.

January 3, 2014 By Skyla Dawn Cameron 1 Comment

This. This This THIS.

Usually I just RT or share a link to something, but this is such an issue for me, I felt it needed more than 140 characters can express. As someone who has heard about every. damn. heroine. she’s ever written that the character is “unlikable”, I urge readers and writers to read this article in its entirety and give it some thought.

Writers are often told a character isn’t likable as literary criticism, as if a character’s likability is directly proportional to the quality of a novel’s writing. This is particularly true for women in fiction.

At the risk of making myself unlikable (heh): I don’t care that you don’t like my heroine. Her likability is the furthest thing from my mind when I write.

There are of course considerations to be had. Ideally, sure, I’d like you to find the character livable–I’d like you to be okay with spending a couple of hours with her; I’d like you to understand why she is the way she is; I’d like you to find small moments when you can identify with her.

I don’t care whether or not you like her. Likability is subjective. I cannot please everyone, nor would I try to.

This is what is so rarely said about unlikable women in fiction — that they aren’t pretending, that they won’t or can’t pretend to be someone they are not. They have neither the energy for it, nor the desire.

The storyteller’s job–or at least MY job–is not to write someone you’d like to have over for dinner. I couldn’t even if I wanted to; I’m an urban fantasy writer, and interesting fiction hinges on character conflict. My job is to tell the character’s story as well and accurately as I am able to. This means they will do things you don’t like; this means they will do things I don’t like. But that’s okay. I’ve ranted on this subject before, but with women in particular there is enormous pressure to be “likable”, to be accommodating, and this is thrust upon fictional women as well. I do not play that game. I’m not trying to make anyone likable, nor am I trying to make them unlikable. I write them as who they are. I write them to be real. Period. Full stop.

Zara has, with no exaggeration, been called one of the least likable heroines in urban fantasy. Like, the whole genre.

So you don’t like one of these ladies I’ve written? You hate her?

My response will always be: GOOD. Because that lady is a fictional person. She doesn’t exist. She doesn’t breathe or eat or talk or do anything outside of my brain. If you don’t like someone who doesn’t even exist, I have made her real to you and done my job.

Perhaps, then, unlikable characters, the ones who are the most human, are also the ones who are the most alive.

So I’m going to keep writing my “unlikable” heroines who say and do bad things, and make mistakes, and sometimes kill people, and swear a lot, because their stories are interesting to me and I don’t much care if it impairs their likability.

Or mine.

December 28, 2013 By Skyla Dawn Cameron

I Am So Sick of This Book

Bloodlines-ARe My KDP Select agreement has finally run its course (this is how I was able to do the free giveaway during the tour), so now Bloodlines is no longer Kindle-exclusive but available elsewhere in other formats.

Right now it’s on Smashwords and ARe in various ebook formats. Nook, Kobo, iBooks, and others will be forthcoming.

I never, ever want to see this book again.

I first wrote it nearly ten years ago, when I was twenty-one. I rewrote it. It was published in 2008. Then I got to rewrite it again in 2011 (left the bones but added scenes and changed other things, adding about 25K words). Then it has been read and tweaked and read and tweaked and proofed and fiddled with over and over–I did another cleanup of a handful of remaining typos before making the ebooks for the other stores, and I am just fucking done with it.

I’m glad you like it. I do. But I never want to hear about this goddamn book again. If I have to read it one more time, I am going to kill Nate.

And Ellie. I don’t care if he’s not in the book–I’m killing him anyway.

Ahem.

January 1, I’m likely going to post a series starter bundle for sale with the first three books and Whiskey Sour for $9.99. I have no idea if it’ll sell but it’ll be a deal for those interested, and it only cost me a bit of extra time to put it together.

There’s also an extended excerpt of Bloodlines on Scribd–ten chapters–embedded in the book’s site page here, if you’d like to try-before-you-buy.

Bloodlines has currently been pirated more than it’s been bought, however so many legal readers got freebies when it was available on Kindle for a week that I am not letting it keep me up at night. Much. But suffice to say I Am Very Cross and This Does Not Bode Well for the Future. Piracy killed River and it will not surprise me if this is the next casualty.

For now, you have a few days left to check out a glimpse of where things are headed with Dial V for Vampire. I have no idea if those who read it are terribly confused or what, but it’s there if you like.

Finally, Soulless starts on Tuesday.

Won’t You Be My Patron?

“When’s That Book Coming?” Summer Update (AKA On Oblivion)

What’s New

What’s Upcoming

What About the Sequel?

What I’m Working On (or Not)…

So What Does that Mean for Oblivion?

Why I Write the Terrible Things I Write

This. This This THIS.

I Am So Sick of This Book

MEET SKYLA DAWN

What I’m Working On:

What’s New

What’s Upcoming

What About the Sequel?

What I’m Working On (or Not)…

So What Does that Mean for Oblivion?

MEET SKYLA DAWN

Socials

What I’m Working On: