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Skyla Dawn Cameron

My characters kill people so I don't have to.

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Feb 17 2015

The Hill You Die On

I have tried so very, very hard not to get into this. The whole FSoG thing just makes me tired and has since it first came out, so I mostly ignore it.

But of course, if something irks me, eventually I’ll find my way to my blog about it.

With the movie coming out and everyone watching/hate-watching it, every single day there are a dozen new opinion pieces on it. (And this post, btw, is not an opinion piece on the books, movie, etc, but on one segment of the conversation about the subject.) Besides the usual batch of “this story not only depicts wrong BDSM practices and abuse, it normalizes/romanticizes it, and that’s a bad thing” ones, there’s been a sharp push in the other direction.

“It’s a touching love story and I’m sick of people telling me I can’t enjoy it.”

“I loved the book, it’s just a LOVE STORY, and all these people are screaming about abuse, which it’s not.”

“I can enjoy whatever I want and I’m tired of people making me feel bad about it. I’m taking a stand.”

I just…

I…

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Okay, I have one question.

Is this really the hill you want to die on here?

You have survivors of rape and abuse with the courage to come forward and say, “Look, here is a thing that is problematic in that it resembles what I went through, and maybe you should think about what you’re condoning when you call it a ‘touching love story’. That’s contributing to a dangerous narrative.”

And…you want them to be quiet about this? You think they should stop talking about this? Because you…don’t like them making you feel bad?

Again…is this really the hill you want to die on here, people? The one you’re on while defending something a marginalized group is pointing out has problematic content that hurts them?

The one opposing domestic violence survivors???

cmt-medium (1)

Here’s the thing: no one is taking the book away from you. No one is saying you can’t have fantasies. No one is saying you can’t love it. But you loving a thing does not erase the potential harm it’s doing to other people, and your vocal support of it with no caveats about the problematic nature of it hurts others. Your fantasies are also someone else’s reality and they’re telling you, pretty clearly, that it’s painful for them to hear you talk about how this horrible thing they went through just sounds AWESOME.

Look, I like lots of stuff with problematic* elements, especially stuff I loved in my childhood.

Take Crocodile Dundee. I saw that in the theatre as a kid. I own the DVD now. Watching it as an adult…hmm, wow, there is some frighteningly awful transphobic content in this movie. Huh.

Do I still like the movie? Yes. Being a cis woman who has not experienced transphobia, I am in a privileged position of being able to separate the bits that I recognize are contributing to a harmful narrative of trans women from the rest of the film that I like. If a trans woman raises the point about how it dehumanizes her and helps support a culture of hate that threatens her life, well, I ain’t gonna argue with that. She’s right. I can still like a lot of the movie while recognizing the harm it does to other people. And I’m not going to defend transphobia in the film simply because I like the rest of it. In fact, if you tell me I’m a bad person for liking the film because of problematic content in it, I’m not going to get butthurt about it but seriously contemplate your position and my privilege.

Defending Crocodile Dundee is not a hill I’m prepared to die on.

flee-o

Now, back to FSoG, I do not think one movie or book is likely going to directly hurt someone (unless you throw it at them).

I think women are pretty savvy and I don’t worry about them reading FSoG and suddenly falling into an abusive relationship. I give women–even impressionable teen girls–a hell of a lot more credit than that. I don’t necessarily think merely watching one sexual assault against a character in an 80s film is going to directly lead to everyone assaulting women, or that every man ever who watches a single rom-com is going to believe harassing a women will make her fall in love with him.

But these stories do not exist in a vacuum.

When the overriding culture we live in idealizes, normalizes, and romanticizes violence against all women–when people are arguing about what does and doesn’t constitute consent–THAT is what is dangerous. And the culture is made up of all the tiny little seemingly harmless things we say and do on a daily basis. When a domestic violence victim says “This is the most horrible thing that ever happened to me” and everyone around her shouts “OH IT’S SO ROMANTIC”…you see how that’s a problem?  And when they tell her to shut up because they like this “touching love story” and don’t want to hear her criticisms? You think that’s perhaps not the most empathetic approach? Maybe? A little?

comeoneson

Believe me, if you’re tired of hearing about how this story you like is harmful to people, imagine how tired DV survivors are of hearing about how romantic it is.

So see this post by Jenny Trout, as it articulates everything I’d want to say but get too ragey to get into, and “I Dated Christian Grey” at The Mary Sue, and instead of getting defensive/feeling attacked, try to listen to what survivors are saying.

And, again, question whether or not silencing them for your comfort is really a battle worth fighting.

/Skyla out. This’ll be the last I say on the subject–I have shit to do.

* My definition of problematic is when something is played for laughs or idealized without any awareness of its harm, or normalizes something harmful. Showing a man reacting offensively to a trans woman is not necessarily problematic if it’s depicted as a bad thing. Showing a man reacting offensively to a trans woman and playing it for laughs absolutely is. Likewise, depicting an abusive relationship is not necessarily problematic if it’s depicted as bad thing. Depicting an abusive relationship as romantic/ideal is. In both cases, though, even depicting bad things as bad can mean contributing to a harmful narrative and should be done with care. These kinds of conversations are important to have.

Written by Skyla Dawn Cameron · Categorized: blog · Tagged: feminism, rant

Feb 15 2015

Soundtrack Sunday – LINEAGE Edition

Lineage-KindleWhat does Peri like to listen to when she’s brutally killing someone? The answer might surprise you. Read on for my Lineage playlist.

 

Godsmack – “I Stand Alone”
This has been Peri’s theme for as long as I can remember. It’s dark. It’s violent. It’s about being used as a pawn by others and realizing, well, that you stand alone.
Make me believe that this place isn’t plagued by the poison in me//Help me decide if my fire will burn out before you can breathe

Utada Hikaru – “Devil Inside”
Peri generally hates J-pop…unless she’s being particularly violent. All of the fight scenes in Lineage were written to J-pop. I have no idea why, she apparently likes the contrast. Specifically, the scene midway through where she’s trailing demon magic through the city and sees the kid being grabbed as a sacrifice–that was when she first specified “PUT ON THE J-POP, BITCH.”

Evanescence – “My Immortal”
I don’t think you can write a book about someone grieving as deeply as Peri without including this song. Of course, Peri is so self-absorbed she has no idea that this is how Nicolette feels about losing Annalise.
If you have to leave//I wish that you would just leave//Your presence still lingers here//And it won’t leave me alone

X Japan – “Forever Love“
The only reason there’s a soft romantic acoustic song on this playlist is because it was played at Peri’s wedding (prior to the book, and therefore prior to her being a socipathic demon merc we all know and love).

Jonatha Brooke – “What You Don’t Know“
Try to remember, try to forget//Those yesterdays bleeding through

Apocalyptica – “Farewell“
Peri contemplates suicide and picks up the gun in Zara’s apartment after she escapes Bravo Division (and blows everything up).

Linkin Park – “Breaking the Habit“
This is basically Peri’s song about being a terrible, unhappy person doing awful things and…well, perhaps not breaking out of it, but at least contemplating change and maybe not killing herself.
Memories consume//Like opening the wound//I’m picking me apart again

Florence + The Machine – “Falling“
Because falling’s not the problem//When I’m falling I’m in peace//It’s only when I hit the ground//It causes all the grief

Apocalyptica – “Worlds Collide“
The climax of Lineage was written to this.

Utada Hikaru (U2 Cover) – “With or Without You”
It’s back to Utada for my Peri/Nic theme. Although it’s too sappy and Peri would never admit it, yes, absolutely, this was their theme while writing.
See the stone set in your eyes//See the thorn twist in your side//I wait for you

Beck – “Everybody’s Gotta Learn Sometime” 
An epilogue song, and one that encapsulates Peri by the end of the book, IMO.

Written by Skyla Dawn Cameron · Categorized: blog · Tagged: Demons of Oblivion, lineage, soundtrack sunday

Feb 08 2015

Soundtrack Sunday – HUNTER Edition

Hunter-KindleTrailer music! Acoustic stuff! Christian rock! It’s time for Hunter‘s playlist.

 

Globus – “Diem Ex Dei”
Ignoring the junk Latin lyrics for a moment, this is the song I most associate with Ryann, my demon-hunting nun. The slow build, the almost plaintive quality to it: I picture Ryann drawing her katana, light glimmering on its edge, a silver cross at her throat, the determined look in her eyes as she goes to battle.

Kim Richey – “A Place Called Home”
Although lyrically it doesn’t immediately conjure up Ryann, the sense of not entirely knowing where you belong or where to call home is very much her.
Some day I’ll go where there ain’t no rain or snow//Till then I’ll travel alone//And I’ll make my bed with the stars above my head//And dream of a place called home 

India.Arie – “I Am Ready for Love”
This was always my Ryann/Ellie theme. Their relationship has a slower build and an odd dance; both doubt they’re right for one another, pining from afar.
I am ready for love//If you’ll take me in your hands//I will learn what you teach//And do the best that I can

Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole – “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”
This is Ellie’s theme. He’s a very troubled psychic, someone who can see through the eyes of victims of violent crimes as well as killers. He drinks a lot to be able to cope otherwise he runs the risk of paralyzing seizures and severe mental trauma. So he tends toward very relaxing music and this always makes me think of him.

Barlow Girl – “Never Alone“
Ryann makes me listen to Christian rock a lot. I’m an atheist, so that’s hard on me, but I’m okay with this one.
I cried out with no reply//And I can’t feel You by my side//So I’ll hold tight to what I know//You’re here and I’m never alone

Dayna Manning – “Miracle”
Theme for the end of Hunter
I got no shame to save or lose//for now there’s no wrong and there’s no right//and I don’t give a damn what tomorrow may bring//’cause I’m working on a miracle tonight

Chantal Kreviazuk – “Feels Like Home“
It was around this book I started titling the epilogues after the songs I listened to while writing them. This is Hunter‘s.
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Written by Skyla Dawn Cameron · Categorized: blog · Tagged: Demons of Oblivion, hunter, soundtrack sunday

Feb 06 2015

Thank You

So yeah, this happened, and everything is terrible.

Fuck Everything Tara

It’s been a really rough week/month/three months/what have you; without going into a Whine and listing my many panic-inducing woes from the past while, suffice to say the biggest problem is that on top of everything I’m tapering down one of my medications and, chemically, my body cannot handle stress. This sheer fact seemed to be a beacon to the Gods of Stress to throw All The Stressful Things at me at once, and as a result, I’ve been crying like a fucking dork off and on all week.

Under all that is a thread that’s pretty current in my life: people disappoint you.

Bridesmaids You Cannot Trust AnyoneOne of my…I’d hesitate to say earliest memories, but certainly among the strongest, was the sense of disappointment. Promises that weren’t kept. Hope that sprang up only to be doused again. My heart broken over and over and over again until every time I felt that sense of hope, doubt would be on its heels, reminding me You Cannot Trust People and They Will Always Disappoint You.

That still happens to me a lot even when I’m cautious. Mostly because I can’t quite bring myself to become a full cynic. There I am, again, hoping things will change, and generally they don’t.

A couple of years ago, a good friend (I thought) really hurt me, and since I still rarely trust people, it was quite a blow. Another good friend–my Aussie sister-from-another-mister, so Actual Good Friend–said simply, “You file that person under Douches Not To Trust and move on, staying open rather than closing yourself off.”

It’s good advice.

Anyway. To the point.

It’s easy to focus on everything that disappoints you. The people who pirate your motherfucking books like an entitled twit after you’ve asked them not to. The ones who break promises, who say things will change but don’t deliver. The lack of habanero lime tortilla chips at the grocery store.**

But a whole lot of y’all left kind comments on the last post. A handful bought one or more of the books*. Disappointment and outrage was shared. No one yelled at me (always a bonus). Some people always pull through with support and compassion. Although Trolls I Have To Ban are likely to show up to leave comments eventually, for now it’s just been understanding and that eases the sting of recent events a little. And a reminder that some people don’t totally fucking suck.

 

Buffy Xander Hug

Thanks, you guys. You make a tremendous difference in my life.

 

 

 

* Which was not my intent in talking about piracy or low sales or anything–I don’t do guilt-sales–but it’s appreciated and I WILL TAKE YOUR MONEY, THANK YOU, ENJOY YOUR BOOKS.

** Seriously, NO FRILLS, GET WITH THE PROGRAM AND BRING BACK MY MOTHERFUCKING CHIPS.

Written by Skyla Dawn Cameron · Categorized: blog

Feb 03 2015

Dearth of Empathy and Death of Zara Lain

First, the ground rules:

  1. I have been published for nine years and pirated for eight of them. Whatever pro-piracy, “chillax” argument you are going to make, I have heard it. And I don’t care. Your comments on this subject will not be approved.
  2. Speaking of, I have a very detailed comment policy. In a nutshell, when you visit my blog and step into my virtual home, you are entitled to my opinion; I am not entitled to yours.
  3. Since the point of this post is compassion and empathy, or lack thereof, I do recommend you step back and consider that before reacting in a way that proves my point.
  4. You can believe that piracy is great and right and STILL respect others’ wishes/opinions in this matter. I think vodka is great. I do not force others to partake of it.

Now…

*

Zara Lain is dead.

I’ve had very simple policies regarding books in the Demons of Oblivion series and its continuation.

The first is that future books depend on sales. As it was initially conceived as a five-book series (and only when I realized how Oblivion ended did I know there should be more books) with a particular arc that came to a conclusion with the fifth book, I knew I could end it at five and hopefully readers would be satisfied, but that there was room for more. And even after I said last year that I needed to let go of the possibility of book six and beyond since sales were so poor (despite being 3x what they were with a publisher) and it was stressing me out, I have always left the door open for more (for confirmation, check the description of the Patreon milestone “Oblivion and Beyond”).

Bloodlines-AReThe second policy was that if Exhumed ended up pirated, that was it. I would never, ever publish another Zara Lain book. Ever.

Searching for illegal copies of my books leads you to my site first where I make this abundantly clear. This has led to some people, over the past year, legitimately buying the books (including Bloodlines, which has been out there for pirating for a year and a half now). I have also reached out to/confronted any attempted pirate I found and asked them not to steal from me. It’s an exhaustive process but, generally, appealing to someone’s humanity as a fellow human is more effective than ranting and threatening legal action.

For some time these policies, combined with the sheer obscurity of me as a writer, has worked to keep most of my books from being illegally distributed.

This is no longer the case.

Therefore, Zara Lain is dead.

*

When a google alert on Sunday popped up to tell me Exhumed was being requested at a forum devoted to illegally distributing books, my heart sank but I headed over to try my best. I reached out to the pirate–who I have no doubt hit my website first, as they always do–and very nicely, very calmly asked her (I’m assuming “her” as, sadly, I find a great number of pirates are, because women seem to enjoy fucking over other women) to please not do this.

Please.

This book, I said, has sold little in the past month. I am not some big time author, I am really struggling with basic things like affording food and vet care for my ailing cat. Readers and writers have a symbiotic relationship; I cannot do my part–producing more books to be read–if readers do not do theirs by obtaining books legally. I suggested that perhaps she could visit her local library and request that they order a copy if she cannot afford the book.

This was one instance where appealing to someone’s humanity didn’t work.

“jdscott666” (aka “jd25” aka “bookho”) is responsible for the death of any potential the series had left. Unequivocally.

*

“But Skyla, YOU are the one choosing not to write them! You can’t punish everyone for one person’s actions!”

I get it. I do. But here’s the thing: I am the one who has to write these books.

I am the one who has to make financial sacrifices to write something that doesn’t earn a living wage. I am the one who has to face the word processor plagued by the knowledge that this book I’m pouring myself into is going to be illegally distributed more than bought; that if I bear my soul in this thing, this piece of art that has emotional resonance with people, I will eventually have my rights violated and consent disregarded.

I can tolerate low sales. I can tolerate piracy. I cannot tolerate both at the same time.

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This does affect legit readers. I feel terrible about that, I really do.

But however much you might love the characters and books, remember that they come from my brain. I live and breathe these fictional people. I’ve invested over a decade of my life into this series. These stories have parts of me in them.

I am also, whatever my faults, a woman of my word. When I say “If you do this thing, there will be a consequence”, I’m not making an idle threat. It’s been almost six years since Wolfe came out. Has there been another River novel? No. There hasn’t even been a short story(1). Like I said, piracy guaranteed I would never, ever go back and write another of those books. I said that if you pirate Exhumed, you will kill this series too.

I don’t bluff.

*

Exhumed-KindleExhumed…just about killed me to write.

I cried through most of it. It absolutely terrified me to go to the places I did with the book. I put my blood and tears into everything I write–those who know me see glimpses there in everything–but never as openly as I did with that book. That is my soul bared on the page. Out of the thirty+ books I’ve written, there are maybe half a dozen I can say that about.

It didn’t sell well. It was rarely reviewed and barely read. People spoiled the twists for readers within the first week of release. It didn’t make any favourite book/top reads lists.

But the handful of die-hard fans bought it, read it, and loved it. And it was a book I was tremendously proud of.

And now I cannot even describe for you what it feels like to have that book illegally distributed. The reader/writer agreement is, “Okay, here is a piece of my soul; you can have it and do with it what you will–hate it, tear it up, whatever–if you’ve paid for the thing.” Then NOT paying for the thing? Having my rights violated, my consent stomped all over? When I am having to have conversations with myself about whether or not it’s time to break down and go to the motherfucking food bank?

It is heartbreaking. And it hurts too much to even contemplate putting myself in this position again with these books.

*

A lot of people, when dealing with pirates, say, “It’s a shitty thing to do, but I don’t think you’re a bad person for stealing.”

Sometimes, I’d agree. I don’t think illegally distributing books in itself makes you a terrible person; I think intent matters a lot and I ultimately believe in a human being’s potential to do better.

But I do think that when the creator of something reaches out to you and says, “Please don’t do this; this harms me and those I care for, and has a tangible, negative impact on my life,” and you do it anyway…well, yes.

Yes, you are a TERRIBLE FUCKING PERSON.

You are lacking in empathy, either because you are an actual sociopath or because you have deluded yourself into believing your entitlement to cheat the system and read without abiding by the rules in place that ensure I can make a living outweighs my rights as the person who CREATED THE BOOK IN THE FIRST PLACE. You knowingly, deliberately, maliciously set out to hurt another person, and for what? A couple of hours of entertainment? This book would not exist without me, and to thank me for the contribution, you completely fuck me over?

omudbxmtfdkro76rwikq

If you do this, you are a shitty person. Period. Full stop. No justification or excuses.

*

This dearth of empathy, quite frankly, scares the hell out of me.

Like the more and more we’re connected, the more we see avatars instead of people; the greater our access to content creators, the less human we see them as. If someone came to me and said, look, this thing you are doing that violates my rights is having a real negative impact on my life, so please do not do it? Fuck, I’d feel like shit. I’d try to find a way to make it right. I sure as hell wouldn’t double down.

I regularly write from the POV of murderers and monsters, and yet this is still baffling to me, how someone can feel so entitled to a book, they will disregard the creator’s wishes–how they can refuse to see that creator as human. How they justify their mentality of “want, take, have” and believe it trumps my right to things like groceries and veterinary care for my pets.

This lack of empathy is nothing to be proud of; in fact, I think we–as a society–should be shaming the fuck out of people who show so little regard for others. If we could take the amount of energy we put into shaming people for stupid shit like obesity or promiscuity and put it toward having no tolerance for actual character flaws like lacking empathy and willfully harming others, maybe humans wouldn’t be such a shitty species.

*

This bears linking to again.

The bottom line is that artists’ rights are workers’ rights. You are not being progressive or radical by denying artists the right to control their own work. You are not helping the underprivileged by making it impossible for anyone who isn’t already rich and privileged to take up artistic careers. Your pirated Taylor Swift song isn’t feeding the poor. If you want to fight the power, maybe try hacking JP Morgan instead of pirating a vampire romance for your Kindle.

As a writer, when you spend a lot of time sending takedown notices and dealing with this aspect of the business, you get pretty familiar with piracy sites. You see the same things over and over.

You see dozens of people thanking and giving praise to “all the hard work” someone put into a torrent of three hundred books.

tumblr_inline_mi0sd1vMSv1qz4rgp

These people are able to disconnect the book from the author so much that it doesn’t even occur to them to THANK THEM FOR WRITING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Not that we can live on praise and thanks alone, of course, but that the writer is left entirely out of the equation is very telling.

I fully support ebook (and movie) piracy in specific instances, like smuggling content across the border to North Korea. That is hugely important work making a difference within that country. But we are not talking about distributing work across tightly controlled borders to help oppressed people see what’s happening elsewhere in the world.

We are talking about people who claim to love books and yet actively work to ensure the people who produce them can’t make any more.

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And this is absolutely baffling to me, in part because for a long time I have been very poor and therefore very aware of how I spend my money. I shop local as much as possible, even if it means spending a bit more money. I buy books by my friends even if they’d give me a free copy. If I like a thing, I try to ensure my pennies to toward supporting it, and even if I DON’T like a thing, other than boycotting, I wouldn’t go out of my way to cause someone harm.

*

“Nothing you say here, Skyla, will make a difference.”

That? That does not make me feel better, you realize.

I am fully aware that I am shouting into the void. That talking about piracy makes me a target for more of it (because, again, their entitlement blinds them to the fact that I am an actual person and that it is a shitty thing to work to harm another human being and her family for no reason). That it would be much easier if I could just flip a switch and stop caring about my work being stolen.

Let me tell you, you do not want to see what kind of person I will be if I stop caring about all these un-winnable fights.

I am told the same thing every time I take in a stray dog off the street, feed it, and try to find its home, or take in a cat when dear god I do not need another but it’s starving and freezing outside. “Just care a little less.” But as soon as we shut off that little part of us that empathizes and connects with others, the closer we get to being the kind of person who willfully disregards the rights and wishes of others.

And I don’t ever want to be that kind of person.

tumblr_me4id3inVk1rkw0kho1_250 tumblr_me4id3inVk1rkw0kho2_250

So I care. And I will speak up. Loudly. Even when it doesn’t appear to make a difference. Because the alternative is sitting back and pretending it’s okay, and I am not going to do that. I abhor dishonesty of any kind too much.

Please do not tell me to stop caring when someone violates my rights. Please do not tell me to stop caring when someone’s actions make it that much harder to keep the heat on. Please do not tell me to stop caring because “it’s never going away.”

How about instead, you start trying to care a little more?

*

“Seriously, Skyla, what the hell does this mean now?”

  • Nothing has changed for Oblivion.  Either I get to it when I get to it or, miracle of miracles, somehow Patreon reaches my sustainability goal first and then I will buckle down and prioritize it.
  • This has not changed the potential resurrection of Amends on Patreon. If that milestone is reached, Zara will rise again there, for that book only. I am undecided about whether or not, when it’s complete, I’ll release it for sale; it might remain exclusive to patrons.
  • Dial V for Vampire remains exclusive to my website shop and this is the only place a post-Oblivion world will be glimpsed.
  • Solace, Zara’s next full-length book in the series, will be written eventually because it’s a story I want to tell. And then it will sit on my harddrive, except for when it goes to visit close friends to be read. Absolutely no one will stop me from writing, because writing is breathing for me. But publishing? I will not publish a book only to have it stolen more than bought.

I am not rage-quitting writing or closing up shop. I have more stories to tell. More books will release at some point. I’ve been through this before and the wheel keeps turning.

Maybe the next books will sell better.

But, like River Wolfe, Zara Lain is dead, and will remain so.

*

tl;dr – piracy killed another series, wheee!

 

 

(1) Rebellion is still on my plate here, but I am so fucking depressed right now (and still dealing with med dosage changes fucking up my moods), I’d rather tackle my pile of paying work for a while. Hopefully it’ll still be done by the end of the month.

Written by Skyla Dawn Cameron · Categorized: blog · Tagged: Demons of Oblivion, exhumed, news, piracy, rant, torrent, writers and readers, zara lain

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MEET SKYLA DAWN

Writer of horror, mysteries/thrillers, and urban fantasy.
Fifth-generation crazy cat lady. Bitchy feminist.
So tired all the goddamn time.

My characters kill people so I don’t have to.

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Socials

  • Amazon
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What I’m Working On:

Re-proofing/formatting Livi Talbot 5-6 with the new covers.
Writing Waverly 9, an upcoming standalone horror,
and extras for the tenth-anniversary edition of Solomon’s Seal.
Revising The Tree of Life for Patreon.

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