So yeah, this happened, and everything is terrible.
It’s been a really rough week/month/three months/what have you; without going into a Whine and listing my many panic-inducing woes from the past while, suffice to say the biggest problem is that on top of everything I’m tapering down one of my medications and, chemically, my body cannot handle stress. This sheer fact seemed to be a beacon to the Gods of Stress to throw All The Stressful Things at me at once, and as a result, I’ve been crying like a fucking dork off and on all week.
Under all that is a thread that’s pretty current in my life: people disappoint you.
One of my…I’d hesitate to say earliest memories, but certainly among the strongest, was the sense of disappointment. Promises that weren’t kept. Hope that sprang up only to be doused again. My heart broken over and over and over again until every time I felt that sense of hope, doubt would be on its heels, reminding me You Cannot Trust People and They Will Always Disappoint You.
That still happens to me a lot even when I’m cautious. Mostly because I can’t quite bring myself to become a full cynic. There I am, again, hoping things will change, and generally they don’t.
A couple of years ago, a good friend (I thought) really hurt me, and since I still rarely trust people, it was quite a blow. Another good friend–my Aussie sister-from-another-mister, so Actual Good Friend–said simply, “You file that person under Douches Not To Trust and move on, staying open rather than closing yourself off.”
It’s good advice.
Anyway. To the point.
It’s easy to focus on everything that disappoints you. The people who pirate your motherfucking books like an entitled twit after you’ve asked them not to. The ones who break promises, who say things will change but don’t deliver. The lack of habanero lime tortilla chips at the grocery store.**
But a whole lot of y’all left kind comments on the last post. A handful bought one or more of the books*. Disappointment and outrage was shared. No one yelled at me (always a bonus). Some people always pull through with support and compassion. Although Trolls I Have To Ban are likely to show up to leave comments eventually, for now it’s just been understanding and that eases the sting of recent events a little. And a reminder that some people don’t totally fucking suck.
Thanks, you guys. You make a tremendous difference in my life.
* Which was not my intent in talking about piracy or low sales or anything–I don’t do guilt-sales–but it’s appreciated and I WILL TAKE YOUR MONEY, THANK YOU, ENJOY YOUR BOOKS.
** Seriously, NO FRILLS, GET WITH THE PROGRAM AND BRING BACK MY MOTHERFUCKING CHIPS.