Yesterday was November 30, which was the last day of NaNoWriMo. And yes, I finished my novel weeks ago but I wanted all the NaNo badges, which included writing every day and achieving par every day, so I pulled out the second Waverly Jones book, which I’d started in September after finishing the first one–I had 19K written and I gave myself a modest goal of another 30K by the end of the month.

Then last night I kind of sort of finished it–it came in at 88K and change.

So in the month of November I wrote 152 000 (and change) words. That’s the NaNo goal times three.

And I got all my badges!

I honestly did not think I’d finish the book and I even doubted I’d get the last two writing badges after the weekend I had because the moment those books popped up for download, again, it was like something just shut off in my brain. I couldn’t type in the document. I thankfully already got my words in for the day because I walked away in the middle of a paragraph and it was well over twenty-four hours before I could make words again (and those were pulled out with pliers).

I cannot describe it any way other than paralyzing. And honestly if not for NaNo and my completionist need to get those last two badges, I don’t think I would’ve made myself get back on the horse right away. It’s why Livi 5 took so damn long–I completely FREEZE.

(Again, do I need professional help? Probably! But therapy? In this economy???)

But it took another two days of steady writing at night and things were moving again, and yesterday I flipped my freelance/writing scheduled days so I could focus entirely on finishing the book. I wrote 13K and was done after 11pm.

Tacking on the 45K I wrote to finish Livi 6 in October, I’ve basically written 200K words in five weeks. On top of 30 hours a week freelancing.

I physically feel like I am about to fall apart. My entire body aches. I’ve been wearing a wrist brace all month. So whenever you see my crazy high word counts, remember there is an enormous physical toll because I’m an old lady approaching forty, and I can also do this because this is literally all I have. I’m in year two of lockdown with my health compromised and no one in my social bubble because no one will make the same sacrifices to do so. I don’t have hobbies, I don’t socialize beyond weekly DnD and Saturday write-ins (if that counts as “social”?). I have the imaginary people in my head and my cats. That’s it.

But that’s six books I’ve finished in six months and I’m really proud of that. I’ve actually reconnected and re-fallen in love with writing again, and while the rough drafts I’ve finished are all pretty messy, I am really happy I did them. I’ve got a lot of work of revision ahead of me but that’s something I can pick at next year when my health is rougher again.

The book I just finished is A Wild Kind of Darkness, and it’s probably not going to release until spring 2024, but after The Killing Beach took me three and a half years to write, I was so happy the sequel moved so smoothly.

I can’t wait for y’all to meet Waverly.

She’s misanthropic. She’s anxious. She talks to the hallucination of her dead sister. She keeps accidentally rescuing strays. She has Resting Sociopath Face. She has a complicated relationship with her two mothers. She’s both coolly detached and deeply intense. And she has one of my favourite lines: My sexual orientation is Tired of Dealing with Humans So Mostly I Don’t Bother and there’s no pride flag for that.

Waverly gets back to my roots of writing Unlikeable Female Characters and I have so much fun with her. I’m sure reception will be mixed but I’m also sure she’ll have her fans and I’m excited for them to find her.

Since I switched my writing day this week, it’s back to freelancing now through Friday, and I know I’m at the edge of exhaustion so no more raw wordage (except for maybe a for-pay novella I’m nearly done) and just a slow pace starting Livi 6 revisions.

And instead of writing tonight I will probably nap.

My NaNoWriMo book is done, though of course I’m not.

National Novel Writing Month, for those new to it, involves writing a “book” in a month, and it happens every November. The definition of a book there is 50 000 words–and unless you’re writing young adult (sometimes) or category romance length books, usually a book is running longer than that (though FYI, The Silent Places was like 56K IIRC–it just worked better taut and anything else would be filler).

Because I guess how dopamine is processed in my brain is a little wonky, I get a nice chemical hit in my head with things like word count. 50K in thirty days is like 1667/day, which is great, but I operate a little differently…so I knocked out that first 50K in seven days.

So some people were a little concerned about me burning out since that was my follow up to writing the last 45K of Livi 6 in four days (yes, we’re looking at almost 100K in two weeks, I’m nuts), so I dropped my daily count to 2K a day–except for Wednesdays, my scheduled writing day (thanks, Patreon!), and Saturday night when I do my weekly write-in (again, thanks, patrons!).

I finished the book today, at 83K.

I have hated a good chunk of it, especially this last half, as I realized I had no idea where I was going. Usually by that point I have an idea, even when I’m writing by the seat of my pants. There are varying methods for me when writing across a spectrum: you’ve got The Silent Places, that dropped out of my head complete with the backstory and full ending before I even wrote the first word; you’ve got the Livi Talbot series and, by virtue of it living in my head for nearly ten years, I know the endings to each book ahead of time so I’ve got a guide book; and then you’ve got Dweller on the Threshold, where I knew a couple of things but not really the ending until I was more than halfway through, making it up as I went along.

This new one–Watcher of the Woods (or Haunted Vacation Lesbians if you follow me elsewhere) was one of those where I was flying by the seat of my pants but no fucking idea where I was going to land. Usually by halfway, I know or have an idea. By 75%, I always know. This one, I kept adding elements, leaving myself notes, trying to see through the fog while completely clueless. Even as it came to a conclusion today, I still wasn’t 100% sure it was coming together…

Right until the very, very last line, which I did not know I would write until I actually wrote it.

It’s this bizarre kind of magic that is fascinating to be apart of. Note that I am aware all of this stuff comes from my brain, and I do not believe my skill was some kind of gift. I write because it’s how I learned to cope with trauma. Telling myself stories as a very, very small child allowed me a safe place to fall asleep in, to retreat to, to keep me company. And because it was my only real reliable coping mechanism, I used it again and again as I grew up, and using it brought skills. I learned how to tell better stories more clearly, with more depth, through the practice I fell into just trying to survive, and I’m lucky enough to make some money with it now because I’d fucking suck at a job outside the home.

But it still feels like magic when it happens, my subconscious mind laying out all these pieces I don’t know what to do with until I get to the part where they all come together.

So it turns out, much to my genuine surprise, I can probably beat this one into shape eventually. I’ve got my release schedule set for about eighteen months so I’m not sure where I’ll slot this one in–for now, at least I’ve got something roughly done and I can worry about it later.

But as I said, I’m not done yet–I still want to do 2K a day to keep up the habit for November. So I’m pulling out the second Waverly Jones book, A Wild Kind of Darkness, which I started and got 19K into when I finished her first one in September before I switched to Livi 6, with an eye to get another 30K done on it this month.

To recap, I started this summer in a really rough spot, exhausted from Livi 5 revisions eating my brain for months. And now…

• July – finished Witch Hunt
• August – wrote Dweller on the Threshold
• September – finished The Killing Beach
• October – finished Charon’s Gold
• November – wrote Watcher of the Woods

I am still fucking amazed at that. I mean, it helps that I’ve been on corticosteroids off and on, which not only helps my mood but for a chunk of that time I could actually eat and absorb nutrients, which helps my brain, and also I’m still isolated–my health is fragile so I’m locked away with my imaginary friends. And I had to get that new laptop in September, so I can actually work easier from bed now.

Everything is terrible but this is one thing I feel really good about, even though it likely won’t last.

December I’ve scheduled myself Livi 6 revisions, to get it in shape for another set of eyes, but I might also try to finish A Wild Kind of Darkness, and in January I’m starting Hell Fire. Of course my body is falling apart again so…we’ll see.

For now, I’m taking the win.

(Also here’s the cover for those not on NaNo or Patreon.)