It was while working on the third big round of Waverly 4 revisions late Dec/early January that I thought “omg there is so much going on here, I think I need to take notes.”* I was constantly wishing I had Waverly’s big murder board that’s in her bedroom (that actually consists of three boards) where she lays things out or that I might need a proper murder journal.

Somehow the thought spiralled from there to make a Waverly-themed mostly blank journal (cover design inspired by the OG secret diary, of course, but sized 5.5×8.5 and using the Nancy Drew font so it’s matchy with the hardcovers).

I wrote out the timeline from the Port Milton cycle of the killings, including stuff from the Patreon backstory shorts (and a few references to stuff that I intend to write later) and peppered in it are references to the past (along with one thing from the sixth book) with papers and articles tucked in it, coffee stains, and doodles. The only thing better would’ve been to have full colour images, but sadly that would’ve jacked the price way up–this is $9.99 USD, 200 pages.

Obviously one could just get a regular journal from the dollar store if they wanted to go so far as to take notes, but at the very least I had a lot of fun making this. And, my god, we gotta have fun sometimes. I’m already in the red with everything I publish, factoring in time spent, and getting some line art for the first couple of hardcovers in 2023 meant going even deeper in the red, but the end result was something I am very happy to have invested in because I love the hardcovers. I’m working with an other artist right now on some drawings, a couple being printed as die-cut stickers for some patrons, and they’re cute and make me happy (and I am thrilled to support human-made art).

This series occupies my head 90% of the time and I’m happy to have a fun thing to offer readers who are also in that place. My long-time book blogger friend Mel just got into the series–she’s generally a fantasy reader rather than straight mysteries, but she’s got out her sticky notes to keep track of everything.

@melissahaydentea

I can’t put this book down! I am loooving the characters and the case Waverly’s investigating. Dang. Fiction Mystery has a MFC that’s my kind of character! Damaged. 💜 #booktok #books #fiction #mystery

♬ original sound – Melissa Hayden Tea

I’ve worked really hard with this series, despite it being entirely Waverly’s POV, to fill the town with people who seem to live and breathe even outside her perspective, to have the cases feel like they happened to real people, for everything to be extremely grounded and like you could search for articles about these crimes and find them online.** The journal is part of that.

If you need a copy, you can grab it at Amazon.*** (Also can be used for a regular journal, of course.)

I’ve got a busy work week ahead of me with projects to send off and taxes to finish, and my place is a mess, so I’m off to do some chores and take a stab at this week’s tutorial.

Tomorrow is also Twin Peaks Day! I’ll be live-tweeting**** over at Bsky because I love the pilot so much.

It does feel necessary to acknowledge the thing that started it all, after all.

____

* I don’t do notes with anything. Future books are all kept in my head and although I keep meaning to build a story bible, I never get around to it, so I have to reread bits to refresh my memory.

** Mel mentioned to me she kept wanting to google the cases for more information. Honestly so do I and occasionally I have to remind myself I made all this up lol.

*** Yes, yes, I know, and you do you if you’re boycotting. I don’t sell enough print of anything to justify the expense of setting up with Ingram, and going through D2D would require me to increase the price of everything by at least $5 across the board so that I still make $2 per print book. I’m not doing that to a handful of readers just so one or two people can feel morally superior.

**** I’m still calling it that, whatever.

I certainly did not expect the last couple of days to be as sad as they were, but David Lynch’s work was–regardless of it not being age appropriate–such a massive part of my childhood, I have imagined this is how normal people felt when Mr. Rogers died.

I think the feelings are heightened by how many others feel it–my Bluesky feed was overwhelmed with by people posting similar disbelief and sadness and tributes. Then every time Kyle MacLachlan says something, I just start ugly crying, whether it was his initial post about the news or today’s opinion piece.

My own much simpler reflection was posted to Patreon, far less eloquent but processing the need for art in a time of rising generative AI usage and squeezing the life out of creators that we see around us. I think that, too, is why I was hit with just profound sadness.

I openly, rather loudly, absolutely loathed The Return. I felt so disappointed and betrayed, I’m now writing a twelve-book grudge series and dedicated The Killing Beach to a fictional character–that’s how intensely mad I was. But to quote myself at Patreon here: I would rather art that I find deeply imperfect but that is saying something or doing something unique than milquetoast trash made in an attempt to appeal inoffensively to the highest number of people. I want art with edges that cut me instead of being so filed down I can no longer feel the texture. I need art that stays with me and changes me and leaves me with questions I have to find my own answers for.

I am so grateful to have grown up with his work and influence. I am grateful my media wasn’t censored as a child and I could imprint on it as hard as I have–even though I was in my thirties before I could watch a scene with BOB without covering my eyes. I am grateful for the stuff I loathed because spite fuels me and now I have a series in progress that brings me tremendous joy.

Lynch’s family has asked that everyone take ten minutes to mediate tomorrow (January 20, so possibly today when you read this) at noon PST, so 3pm EST which is my time, to reflect and spread peace, in remembrance and appreciation for his birthday. Tomorrow is, of course, day one of the newest shitshow in the US, so I’m unplugging to get work done and will set a reminder timer. Of course I can’t mediate, I never have been able to, but I’m going sit down in my Twin Peaks t-shirt and will make an effort to be grounded in the present and focused.

I am, at least, finally starting to feel like myself again, and hope that my brain is on the mend from burnout, because it’s awful to be sad and not writing. Feeling nostalgic, of course, so I’m writing a little Waverly backstory scene that’ll go up for Patreon.

This year will be terrible and I have no real solutions or answers, other than create what we can, care for those we love, and celebrate what we’ve got.

(the gif and title is, of course, from one of the Log Lady intros to Twin Peaks back in the day, which are a little bonkers but memorable)

I’m sure there’s someone, somewhere out there who had a great 2024, but I don’t know them. Everyone in my circle is tired and behind on stuff they mean to do (or need to do), and just generally exhausted after so many crises this year.

This time off has been an absolute mess between Shawn’s issues and our Hail Mary pass for Libby’s health and literally just as I got the last of the bed put together on Thursday (the frame was about four hours), the plumber called about a work order, which no one gave me notice about (an issue from the inspection in the summer so…not like I would have known to expect it, either, because it’s been six months). After madly cleaning all night–again, I have been living in total chaos putting furniture together and moving stuff from room to room–they didn’t come Friday, which means now they’re coming Monday. I can’t even wind down ahead of Christmas now (which I am, of course, spending alone, because there is no one I can trust to not infect me with the plague; good thing I enjoy my own company, I guess) because I am so anxious, as I don’t like people in my home.

I am very lucky–I have this new bed, I have a new laptop, I’ve cleared out some junk, I’ve gotten various cats to the vet and been able to try new treatments for Libby. My cats are (mostly) healthy. I’m not dead. I have people in my life who care about me. Wonderful people bought my books this year and I have new readers, a couple of which actually liked the new book. I keep focusing on that even as I continue to feel like three nervous breakdowns in a trenchcoat.

But I feel like I am broken when I’m not writing. Technically the Waverly 4 revisions this year was like writing a whole new book, since I doubled the word count, and I’ve written a lot of shorter things, but I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin and getting more and more resentful daily. I’m absolutely miserable but my brain just gives me gibberish when I have a WIP out. This too shall pass, but it’s just amplifying what a mess everything has been.

Though I continue to be resentful about the situation the last few months of the year that put me in this position of burnout now, I’ll deal with that in the new year.

So I have no countdowns or recaps. I can’t remember what I read or watched or played (other than Silent Hill 2, which I am replaying right now). I figured out why Demon Fall wasn’t working and I don’t have to throw out the 21K I’ve written but I have to rearrange it and write new stuff earlier, and so that’s going on hold again for Waverly 4 revisions. I am positive I will have to move the release date but I’ll see what, if anything, I get done over the next ten days as I unplug again.

All I’d personally like out of 2025 is to not lose any pets (or if Libby is going soon, that she’s comfortable and at peace), to keep a roof over my head, and to get some joy back from writing instead of feeling like I’m broken. And for my friends in the US to not die horribly with round two of that fascist fuck in charge. And to not have the Cons in fed government here.

That is probably asking for too much at this point.

Happy Solstice (which is Maya’s birthday and the last day in The Taiga Ridge Murders; the longest night of the year is a good time to read it if you haven’t). Let’s hibernate, hold onto what we can, and hope things are a little better soon.