Blog — Page 26

February 27, 2022 By Skyla Dawn Cameron Leave a Comment

Soundtrack Sunday – “Masterpiece”

It seemed like time to get a little normalcy back to the blog and I haven’t done one of these since October.

I’ve two weeks left on one of these meds (the other is for life), though last week got me down to a low enough dose that I can function better now and I haven’t needed benzos to compensate. No panic attacks and tachycardia for a couple of weeks, and no longer lying in bed crying and praying it’ll end soon.

Am I in remission? Who knows! I just want to get some projects finished so I can afford groceries again.

We’re getting close to Dweller on the Threshold‘s release, but I’ll wait and do that soundtrack later in March (also head over to Patreon on March 1 if you want to get an eight-chapter preview!). The last couple of weeks I haven’t been able to write anything new, but I pulled out the Waverly Jones books I finished last year to get them into a more reasonable shape.

I’m very much in love with them.

I can’t believe after struggling all those years with the first book that I not only have two done but they hold up and I’m so excited to write more (I wish, in fact, I had a half a dozen done that I could read back to back right now).

As you can see on the series page as well as with the jacket copy for The Killing Beach, when she was seventeen, Waverly’s sister was the last known victim of a serial killer who went dormant, though her body’s never been found. The Crossroads Butcher killed in groups of three before moving onto a new location, so prior to her sister, there were two other victims, and the high-profile case brought visiting officers–including the brilliant and compassionate Detective Sebastian Kyle, who Waverly fell in love with despite discouragement on his side of things (her therapists would call it “infatuation”–and that’s why she won’t talk to them anymore).

If teen-girl-inserts-herself-in-a-serial-killer-investigation-and-falls-in-love-with-a-detective-who-vanishes-mysteriously sounds familiar, well…

Similarities end there, however–Waverly is a very, very different person. But plenty of songs on Waverly’s soundtrack came from watching Audrey/Cooper vids on YouTube.

Such as this one–“Masterpiece” by Madonna.

From the moment I first saw you
All the darkness turned to light

This is all in the past, of course–Sebastian Kyle has been missing for over a decade, no leads on his whereabouts and his body hasn’t been found (yet), but being drawn back to her hometown amidst a major case, a lot of memories come back.

Like being in love with a masterpiece.

It seems to me is what you are
A rare and priceless work of art
Stay behind your velvet rope
But I will not renounce all hope

I could write entire essays about how I will never ever forgive anyone for how Audrey was treated in The Return, but I think a big part is that as a young girl (seven when it aired), I really admired her. Here was a smart, curious young woman like so many of the heroines in books I read (eg Nancy Drew) trying to investigate a murder, and though gently, respectfully rebuffed by the older man running the case (because she was eighteen!), she still tried to help. Repeatedly. After the premature end of the show, with all this potential the character had…we find out in the intervening years she was raped by an evil doppelganger, had the evil child, did absolutely nothing with her life, went crazy and ended up in a mental institution.

That was not my Audrey.

That was not the capable, resilient person I’d admired since I was seven. That was not the young woman who vowed one day she’d be grown-up and on her own and Cooper had better watch out.

Or, y’know, who went undercover and threatened a dude in an effort to find out who killed Laura Palmer.

Yeah, I’ll die mad about it.

But at least I’ve got Waverly.

She’s an adult now, she’s a private investigator…and she doesn’t like people. She’s got anxiety. She’s obsessive. Super manipulative. She talks to the hallucination of her dead sister. Sebastian Kyle was very much her polar opposite even back then and definitely now, and maybe that’s partly why she clings to the memory of him still.

Along with wondering what happened to him.

And I’m right by your side
Like a thief in the night
I stand in front of the masterpiece
And I can’t tell you why
It hurts so much
To be in love with a masterpiece

You don’t get to meet Waverly until next year (May 30 2023) but I am SO excited to share this book with y’all.

February 13, 2022 By Skyla Dawn Cameron Leave a Comment

Shawn’s THIRD Birthday

It’s true. The little devil has somehow made it to THREE YEARS OLD (despite his best efforts, it often seems).

We’re having a little birthday party today with gifts from me and his aunties. And yes, I know, I said that I wasn’t getting him anything after having to spend $80 calling the pet poison hotline because of him a couple of weeks ago, but, well…

I love all my pets and always have. I’ve had devastating losses and trauma, and I’ve always appreciated every moment with them, but…well, these boys.

Shawn has lost his whole family.

His mom was killed by a predator just after he was born. One of his brothers died of hypothermia before being rescued. We lost Gus at eight weeks. And Shawn? Shawn shouldn’t have lived either. He was extremely low birth weight with various delayed milestones and characteristics to suggest those boys were at least a few days premature. The odds were against him. Given how often he gets into shit, it seems like they’re still against him.

He’s still here because of me.

I’m still here because of him.

Because he’s lost everyone, he can’t lose me too. So I’ve had to make choices to start putting my health first and asking for help, even when it goes against everything engrained in me.

He’s had a very interesting year.

He is down NINE teeth…

…but still has those iconic fangs, thankfully.

We’ve worked very hard on his behaviour and his stupid mum finally clued in on a few things, like how–of course!–he’s basically a human toddler in that he has a big vocabulary of understanding words/body language and a lot of things to express but no words to use himself, so he’ll try to communicate any way he can. Including knocking things off shelves. But as I’ve become better at reading his cues, he’s mostly less of a jerk now. (We do still play SHAWNLE, though, where I often have to guess what he wants before he destroys everything.)

He also knows how doorknobs work and if a door isn’t quite latched or he gets enough momentum, he can sometimes open them.

God help me.

Although he is absolutely the devil, he’s very good when I’m sick, though he’s struggled to adjust to the changed routine the past few weeks (going from MUM WHY ARE YOU IN BED ALL DAY to MUM WHY AREN’T YOU IN BED) but that’s to be expected.

He still gets in the shower with me. He still “helps” when I water the plants or do dishes. He likes to try to type on the keyboard when I’m working. And I finally figured out the reason he leads me to the tub at least once a day, where I am expected to watch him roll around in it, is that he’s trying to mimic me–he sits and watches me in the tub, and figures this must be Very Important Indeed, so likewise I have to watch him.

Yes, he never stops being entertaining. Basically every day I’m grateful for this fuzzy little jerk and all the joy he brings me.

I wish more than anything Gus was still with us and I’m so glad to have honoured them in the new book. Every day I think about how Gus would’ve grownup and how having his brother would’ve changed Shawn. Our Gus is never forgotten, particularly on these milestones.

Happy third birthday to Shawnie!

Here are some shots from his birthday today, but FIRST…a little reminder of where he came from.

And today…

The catnip is out! pic.twitter.com/slIGzkcdrz
— @skyladawn.ca at bsky! (@skyladawn) February 13, 2022

Every day, I not only sing him his song but at night, when it’s bed time–part of his routine now–I call on Siri to play “Future Days” when the lights go out, and he knows it’s time to settled down (works…about 95% of the time).

Here’s to more future days.

February 10, 2022 By Skyla Dawn Cameron Leave a Comment

Next Year’s Release Schedule

This is part proof-of-life post (although another will be coming on Sunday for Shawn’s birthday, theoretically), part actual update.

This week has been marginally better in that I don’t seem to be having the panic attacks and frequent tachycardia–last week was bad enough I very, very nearly considered an ambulance when even medication couldn’t get my heartrate down after an hour–but that might also be due to the lack of human contact. I did spend basically all of last Sunday and most of Monday just crying nonstop for no reason except that it was a taper day for my meds and that’s what happens when I come down, which was not my favourite thing. But Tuesday was unexpectedly a semi-normal workday, as was today, and hopefully that means the end is in sight. I also only had one episode of internal bleeding so SCORE. And my biopsies are all cancer and pre-cancer free.

A couple of bedrest days have lead to binge-watching The Vampire Diaries because apparently I am still making bad decisions. My Platonic Murder Wife checks in regularly and keeps me company when I need it–it’s that weird spot where I absolutely should not be alone, but it also might be safest if I am–and as usual, she and Shawn are probably why I’m not dead yet.

I’m more than halfway through Soul Spell, which is Elis #3…which was supposed to be called Hell Fire, but it’s taking longer to get to the reason WHY the book was supposed to be called Hell Fire, and I just decided to bump that to Elis #4. Confused? Me too! But the end result is that yes, Elis will be back this summer (#2 concluded at Patreon last week) with her third book, now called Soul Spell, and the fourth one that will serialize next year will be called Hell Fire.

I’ve tried my best to keep my Wednesday writing days, along with the Saturday night write-ins, though that’s sometimes challenging as well. I did not have any new words in me yesterday, but I pulled out Watcher of the Woods and…made some more decisions.

Watcher in the Woods–standalone, but set in the same world as Dweller on the Threshold–is going to release next year ON VALENTINE’S DAY (February 14 2023) because either I have terrible timing or I expect other people would rather read a horror book on a romance day like I would. (Why not both?)

A big reason I pulled it out is because Dweller on the Threshold actually has four times the preorder numbers Livi #6 does. And to be honest…that’s still a pretty low number, but it’s not insignificant, so I thought having another standalone hauntings book for preorder when this one comes out in April would be a good idea. I’ve assigned it some ISBNs, set up preorder pages, and given it a dedicated page on my site so…I guess we’re doing this!

As a result of that, I’ve decided to keep Waverly #1 in spring but just bump it later, so The Killing Beach is officially set for May 30 2023.

Most stores won’t list preorders earlier than a year before the release date, except for Kobo, so both are live there now and the books pages here will update as other stores come up (Kindle for Watcher will be next week).

Here’s what that all looks like:

I literally had just redone the graphic to replace Hell Fire with Soul Spell and then redid it again, but here we are.

The UPCOMING page also has everything listed in one handy place.

Still speaking of Dweller: the hardcovers arrived on Monday and they came out lovely. At this point, I’m only doing standalones in hardback (maybe Waverly, we’ll see) because the trim sizes are limited so I have to redo my interiors from 5×8 to 5.5×8.5 and I am not putting that energy into a format no one will buy lol but if that’s your thing, you’ll find Dweller and The Silent Places for sale in hardcover on Amazon. I’ll have a Dweller signed gift box and that in my shop probably by the end of the month.

Hopefully I’ll have a cute post here on Sunday for Shawn’s third (THIRD!!!) birthday–he’s got a bunch of presents from me and his aunties, which is basically already a day ending in y for him, but he’s very special.

January 31, 2022 By Skyla Dawn Cameron 2 Comments

Decisions Were Made

I am a little…compromised right now.

It’s a consequence of the brief high dose of corticosteroids we’re hitting my immune system with: I have pretty significant psychiatric side effects. At least they’re mostly being managed right now, but atop the mania, once a week when the dosage changes I lose a few days. Sometimes I spend a couple of hours on the treadmill. Sometimes I obsessively clean out the fridge. Other times I have a breakdown because I suddenly think what if Shawn died? Many other times I just lie in bed trying to sleep off my fuck-up brain.

Other times decisions are made. Late at night.

But like, last time I had way worse intrusive thoughts, so I don’t think this one is that bad.

Everyone has a drawer full of various hair colours in case they need to change their identity and go on the run like in the movies because you’ve met a spy and suddenly you’re tangled in something, right?

Right?

Anyway, after I cut three or four inches off my hair and bleached it, I found it too brassy so I opened that drawer.

So I think it’s cute. pic.twitter.com/Ze2shfPJcc
— @skyladawn.ca at bsky! (@skyladawn) January 31, 2022

Behold my new hair, seen and appreciated by…no one but me and my cats because there’s a deadly pandemic, I’m on multiple immunosuppressants, and I work from home.

But I dig it.

The back and underneath is the deeper violet and the top/front is more pink. I’d go a little shorter but this is the shortest I can do on my own (and despite the messiness, yes, it’s pretty even–just trying to show the different colours here).

Shawn managed to avoid a dye job of his own, but it was tricky since my bathroom door doesn’t latch.

Back at the beginning of the pandemic, I talked a few friends into cutting their own hair, and now that we’re in year three when things are often just as dangerous, again, I encourage: just cut your own fucking hair. Dye it. There are YouTube videos and how-to articles all over the place. It’s just hair. It grows back.

Still working from home? Fuck it. Pick a random colour and dye it. Have fun with your glamourous hair while sitting in your pajamas. YOLO motherfuckers.

Here’s my artsy shot.

Yeah, my scalp’s a little dyed, but no one but me and the cats here to mock it, and it’ll fade in a few days. Hopefully the colour sticks for a while.

(If it doesn’t, I also have light blue, pink, deep raspberry, teal, lavender…)

Two weeks down, six weeks to go…

January 16, 2022 By Skyla Dawn Cameron 3 Comments

Health Update & Sales

Last week’s long-awaited specialist visit turned into “how about a trip to the day surgery department on Friday?”, thus having me lose an entire week–but better that than push some procedures off, which would’ve given me weeks to build up anxiety instead.

Helluva way to break my isolation streak lol. pic.twitter.com/UctVWAS0pd
— @skyladawn.ca at bsky! (@skyladawn) January 14, 2022

Good news is that I should be on the mend.

Bad news is that the next month is going to be pretty rough.

I’m on a couple of immunosuppressants at the moment, one of which is temporary but that I have pretty severe side effects from. At least I can predict what will happen this time because I’ve been through this before, so I’m building my schedule the next few weeks around all this bullshit (human bodies are so stupid).

My working hours will be cut down every week for about a month. As such, I can’t take on many freelance projects so I’m asking clients to book early with a down payment here.

If anyone needs a cover in a hurry, premades are on sale for 25% off until February 28 with the coupon code NEWYEARSAMEBS.

I’ll still need about a week to turn around customization. My freelance days starting the week of Jan 24 will be Thursdays and Fridays.

The other good news is that no releases will be delayed.

Dweller on the Threshold (now out in print and shipping!) will still release in April as planned. Charon’s Gold will still release in the fall as I’ve factored in the revisions I’m currently doing into my schedule and it should still go to the content editor at the end of the month.

eBooks bought through me will also be on sale to help with bills during this time.

All books bought through Payhip are 25% off, same coupon code of NEWYEARSAMEBS. If you’ve had enough of my murder shenanigans and want some size-positive contemp romance, the same code works for Aunt Judy’s eBooks as well.

As disappointed as I am that I didn’t fully knock myself into remission last year with my DIY apocalypse medicine, I would’ve been in much worse shape if I hadn’t done anything, and at least I know now that the pain I get hit with several times a day is not my new normal but perhaps something that will go away when fully treated.

I’m dreading the next couple of weeks but I’m absolutely looking forward to resuming some semblance of normal the coming months. I have stories to tell and books to release.

If I can give an important reminder to anyone “tired” of the pandemic or struggling right now: please, please, remember that being bored or frustrated in not being able to do the things you used to pre-2020 is so much better than the risk of becoming disabled–possibly permanently–by something like long covid. If I could go back in time nearly eight years ago and stop the innocuous thing I did that we suspect triggered the extreme immune response and led to my current disease, I would do so in a heartbeat. And now all I see are people thinking nothing of a similar risk, putting themselves and their loved ones–as well as total strangers–in danger because they’re “tired”.

I get it. Everyone’s tired.

But right now, with covid running rampant, you have the opportunity to avoid becoming disabled by something. You can go from active and healthy to chronically ill so fucking easily. Nothing is worth disabling yourself. Nothing. Not a haircut, not a movie, not a night out to eat. Nothing is worth disabling your loved ones. Nothing is worth disabling a stranger you might encounter on the street.

Your health is so precarious and no one is immune. I don’t want you, a year or two from now, to be looking at this pandemic time thinking “I wish I’d just stayed inside a little longer” as you struggle to get answers from a medical community that doesn’t fully understand what’s wrong with you, unable to work, unable to live the life you used to.

My thanks as always to patrons, who are why I was able to just drop a chunk of change on medications without worry. Join 60+ other folks right here.

And my thanks to all readers who buy the books and offer their support. Last year was horrible, this year is not off to a great start, but I’m so excited to have new stories to share with y’all.