Skyla Dawn Cameron

December 19, 2014 By Skyla Dawn Cameron

‘Tis the Season (for Asking for Money)

[Click here to skip the explanation if you just want to see the $$ options]

I had my Fuck It Moment™ in Taco Bell.

After the first consult with the specialist doctor–where she repeated my least favourite phrase “You’re doing all the right things, but…” (which I equate with “You can’t fix this on your own”, the thing I abhor more than anything) and it was clear that this autoimmune health thing is actually pretty serious and I have drugs and MRIs and weekly blood tests ahead of me now–I went for dinner with Mum at Taco Bell and had a bean and cheese burrito and glorious cheesy fries that nearly made me weep.

And I said fuck it.

To everything.

It’s the moment of acceptance that This Is Your Life Now and Things Are Different and Stuff Has to Change. Counting spoons and adjusting to more than this new smaller body that I feel like an impostor in. It’s not the black moment from fiction we associate with epiphanies and realizations–it’s a much more calm, less scary sort of thing where you throw up your hands and say okay, this is how it has to be. I’m sick. I can’t make myself not sick. And there are loads of other considerations now that I’m juggling something other than my mental health. I made the decision in that Fuck It Moment™ that I need to take care of myself and prioritize my health, no matter what that entailed.

And I also realized I can’t take care of my pets if I don’t take care of me, and I can’t take care of me if I’m panicking while one of them is sick.

This is Temperance von Eviltry, Duchess of DOOM. AKA Doombuggy.

She ate Monday at 11:30am.

She has not eaten since.

We were at the vet Wednesday and she had something for the nausea; while she hasn’t been sick since, she still won’t eat, and she is not acting like herself. “Herself” usually involves things like knocking over my Christmas tree, cuddling with the dog, playing with Rodney Ballsnomore, terrorizing my poor beta male cats, battling with the other household alpha female, etc.

She’s young, not even three and a half, so the vet thinks the most likely scenario is an obstruction of some kind, though there is always the chance of kidney problems or something else. We just have no idea without running some tests. Even though she was a little perkier this morning, the loss of appetite is not good and I don’t want to take chances.

Right now, Doombuggy is hiding in her cat carrier, ignoring everyone. I’d like her to get back to being silly like this, lying in weird positions.

Tests cost money.

I told the vet I’d sell a kidney on the black market if I had to (look, it doesn’t have to be MY kidney). The thing is, I am completely tapped out at the moment. I’ve been in clinical remission for seven weeks, which is great, but I have six months of bad health to make up for–six months of lost routines, lost weight, lost finances, etc. I have been scrambling to stay afloat the past month in particular (when I was hit with another $750 in vet bills for other pets, le sigh–dog has Cushing’s, other cat has bladder cystitis) amidst running to the city to see my specialist and going in for weekly blood tests of my own. I need to buy my own medication next week, too.

Normally I’d just try to take on extra freelance work, I have large scale projects I’m finishing up for people at the moment while dealing with my own health recovery, and tossing more work on my shoulders will not be good for my stress level, which I’m trying to keep down to avoid getting more sick.

She is also my dog’s best friend. Sophie needs her buddy back.

I’ve gone months before without groceries so that my pets can go to the vet; I’ve prioritized them over everything, every time, in my struggle to be entirely self-sufficient. Lost my job last year–didn’t ask for help. Couldn’t afford groceries last spring–didn’t ask for help. Got extremely sick for six months and was hardly able to work–didn’t ask for help. Asking for help feels like I’ve failed so I normally find something to sacrifice. But it’s impossible to focus on my own health at the moment with financial instability and I have no more sacrifices to make at this point.

So fuck it. I am breaking down and officially asking for help.

Here’s our GoFundMe page. There is nothing fancy here–I already feel like I’ve failed at adulting and being a pet mom just asking for help, and I don’t like handouts and would rather to give people something for their trouble (so PLEASE check the options below)…but, I’ve got nothing. I don’t have awesome prizes to offer you or the energy for another Giant Evil Project. There is my deepest gratitude, however, plus I am less likely to put a horrible curse on people who help my pets.

If you are a writer with a book to publish, you can pick up a pre-made cover instead right here and hey, that’s money that comes direct to me too (for something that doesn’t add a lot to my workload).

Also, I have ebooks for sale direct, and again, that’s money that comes to me just as if you’d used PayPal except you get some urban fantasy for your trouble. I am a pretty good writer and spin a decent tale if you’re into female characters often deemed “unlikable” and violence and naughty words and stuff.

If you dislike GoFundMe (and I am cognizant of the troubles with them), my PayPal is skyladawncameron[at]gmail[dot]com.

If for some reason you’d like to give directly to my vet and have it earmarked for us, it’s English Line Veterinary Services and I don’t even know how that would work, but there you go. Call them and use my name. They know me well.

There are a lot of people needing help with things right now (hey, I know of this one–if you have pennies, toss them toward these kitties too). And it’s the holidays, everyone’s broke–I’m not even sending Christmas cards until next month. But my Doombuggy needs xrays, some bloodwork, and god knows what else, and I have no buffer left after everything that’s happened to me this year. I lost my beloved Blind Cat a few months ago and I can’t even bear the thought of anyone else being in poor health at the moment.

So if you can bring a little doom our way, we’d appreciate it.

December 13, 2014 By Skyla Dawn Cameron

VAT, EU Customers & Changes

So there’s all this stuff going on with VAT and I have only half-listened because it makes my head hurt. Essentially, laws are changing to better go after big companies like Amazon to ensure governments are getting their taxes when international shoppers buy elsewhere; now VAT has to be paid based on where the buyer is, not the supplier. Unfortunately, it’s kind of screwing over smaller shops as well as there’s no minimum threshold. This includes digital goods like ebooks, which I sell. (Also, feel free to explain this to me better if I’ve missed something.)

What this means for my books sold on the bigger sites (Amazon, Kobo, iBookstore, etc): I think some prices will be going up for customers as they have to be VAT-inclusive now. ie You pay a flat amount, taxes are taken out of that as is my percentage. I’m kind of fuzzy on this and don’t have the spoons to suss it out but I’m sure I’ll see when I release a book next year.

What this means for my books sold direct on my site: I am likely going to no longer sell to certain countries. I don’t want to go through the process of doing more paperwork so I can collect VAT, blah blah, for what will amount to pennies. I’m a small fish and unlikely to be dinged for not following the rules, especially all the way out in Canada, but just in case I’d rather not risk non-compliance.

So it’s not a big deal because most of my books can be bought elsewhere, but there are a couple of site-exclusive ones. I will likely release Soulless on other platforms for $4.99 (and probably print), because even with the PWYC option, it’s not pulling in anything as-is; I dislike accepting something for nothing, but the old donation button was more helpful for people who like that, so I’ll go back to that and people can still get the book at third parties if they want it. (I will just sit here and silently stew b/c that was a fundraiser book for the pets and I LOATHE any percentage going to Amazon. *stews*)

However…there’s 9 Crimes.

Because it’s completely dependent on having read Exhumed, I don’t like the idea of it being sold everywhere with the other books. So I’m going to keep it site-exclusive, which unfortunately means that after January 1, those in EU countries (like UK, France, Germany, etc) will no longer be able to purchase it. I am sorry for any inconvenience. If you want 9 Crimes and live in one of the affected countries, you have two and a half weeks left to get it.

I had the odd other thing I was thinking of doing as site-exclusive. This will definitely affect any plans for such a thing in the future. Also, this is not an excuse to pirate my work. Please do not steal from me because someone else is tying my hands; I’ve put a lot of work into ensuring all my books are available cheaply from as many sources as possible, and nearly everything can still be found somewhere.

These aren’t my rules and it is not my choice. If I were a larger business, it would be worth the time and expense to sort it out, but that is not currently the case. Please write to your government if you don’t like the rules.

December 8, 2014 By Skyla Dawn Cameron

Baby Steps

medium_9584025559 — photo credit: BoredWithACamera via photopin cc

I’ve reached the point where a lot of days I forget that I’m sick.

You’d think weekly blood tests and the constant rattle of pill bottles would remind me, but now they’re just this background thing I do without thinking. My puffy steroid moonface is part of the scenery–my poor body has been through so many physical changes, I don’t get too comfortable with how I look anymore–and all the hair falling out just gets swept up with the plentiful cat fur without thought.

I don’t forget what it’s like to have been sick, however. Right now I’m eager to do things like take the garbage out, walk to the store, clean the apartment, and everything I was too weak to do for months. I cheerfully wait in lineups at the store because I’m so happy to be able to stand for periods of time without needing support. Monday nights I can once again volunteer at the hospital, visiting patients and the ER with my dog, and I have a new appreciation for being able to bring that brief few minutes of distraction to people who have been there–often confined to bed–for weeks and in some cases months.

I’d questioned a friend about whether or not this feeling of gratitude would go away–it’s natural, I think, to start taking health for granted when it’s steady–but she insisted that once you’ve been through illness that impairs your day to day life, and know it can happen again, you never lose that gratitude.

I sincerely hope so.

With clinical remission seemingly steady right now (I see my specialist later this week and I know she has more tests in mind to determine if it’s remission-remission as well as the extent of the damage done to my body), I focus better on rebuilding, well, everything. My body’s gotten over its initial “MUST EAT ALL THE FOOD” and cravings of high fat/starches, so now I’m working in more variety and cutting back on dairy to return to the usual vegan thing. The primary challenge is regaining structured eating times and re-learning hunger/fullness signals, which currently are non-existent.

That entire process would be terrifying if I hadn’t been through The Fat Nutritionist‘s Learn to Eat program some years ago. Currently Michelle is doing a dietetic internship and no longer offers private nutrition sessions, but when she opens again, I HIGHLY recommend it to everyone needing a better relationship with food and their bodies. I would be completely lost right now without being able to go back on her lessons; instead of being overwhelmed, I can take a breath and relax, remembering “I got this” when it comes to food.

Then there’s trying to get on the treadmill five days a week, just for a 15-20 minute walk. I feel like I should be able to run again, but periodically asthma kicks up when I’m carting groceries up the stairs or I get a little shaky lifting a bag of kitty litter, and I remember how weak I still am. If I can be running 30-40 minutes a day by spring again, I’ll be pleased. Hopefully the zombie apocalypse doesn’t occur in the meantime.

Likewise, writing. Setting the timer for fifteen minutes every day to just write–just that tiny commitment of time instead of word count goals. Often I end up writing for an hour or two. Other times even fifteen minutes is a struggle. I bounce from one project to the next, continually reminding myself that I have no goal beyond rebuilding the habit. (And thanks to Lilith Saintcrow for her advice on burnout last year, which I know works and are lessons I’m applying again with illness.) The most important thing is that the voices are back in my head, characters talking to me after a long period of silence, and I know the rest will fall into place over the next few months.

Baby steps. Each and every one of them, just a tiny creeping forward, trying to keep the pressure off when I feel like I should be able to leap, and not beat myself up if I stumble a little. Rewiring my brain not to panic and worry at everything. Being gentle with myself and trying to keep my expectations reasonable.

Tying everything together involves learning balance. Knowing when to push a little harder and when to ease off (am I being lazy or do I really need a day to relax? should I push for another fifteen minutes of writing or do I really not have it in me today?). I struggle with balance more than anything–I’m a go-big-or-go-home, all or nothing kind of person wound together with an unhealthy dose of impatience. And being gentle with myself–and the expectations I put on me–requires a lot of self-trust and faith, which I also sorely lack (and was damaged tremendously dealing with unhelpful heathcare workers some months ago).

So instead of looking ahead at where I want to be and seeing how far this is to go, I’m trying to keep my focus on the ground directly beneath my feet and having faith that no matter how slow the shuffle or frequent the missteps, eventually I’ll lift my head and look over my shoulder and see the distance travelled is farther than I thought.

This week, I think I’m unplugging from the internet a little–I have four large-scale projects to finish up for clients in the next week or two, and baby steps seem to move faster when things around me are quieter and slower.

Now if only I could stop Christmas from creeping up until I’m ready for it in a month or two, I’d be set.

December 6, 2014 By Skyla Dawn Cameron

Krista D. Ball’s Spirit Caller Series

A heads-up for those of you with excellent reading taste: writer friend Krista D. Ball has a new novella coming out and the boxset of the first three in the series are on for just 99c for a limited time (Amazon, Nook, Kobo).

The Spirit Caller Series is rural fantasy/paranormal, following a young woman who sees spirits (and so much more). Here’s the blurb for the first, Spirits Rising:

Rachel has no trouble believing in spirits. It’s the living she has a tough time believing in.

The man she’s in love with? Taken. The job she loved? Gone. Her neighbours? They’re taping religious tracts to her door. Then a rebellious teenage Wiccan accidentally summons the area’s ancestral Viking spirits — who promptly bring their thousand-year war to the remote Newfoundland fishing village. If Rachel’s going to have any hope of sending the spirits to their peace, she’ll have to stop drooling over unattainable men and trust her 93-year-old neighbour to help her stand against the spirits before their supernatural war engulfs them all.

Spirits Rising is followed by Dark Whispers and Knight Shift but, again, you can get all three for under a dollar. (You can also get the first free and then buy the others, if that’s your thing too.) Krista was kind enough to send me an advanced copy of the fourth book, Mystery Night (up for pre-order on Amazon and Kobo), which I read last night and thoroughly enjoyed.

88b5e995b6dc24b8bc1537606e31b2be There’s a lot that makes this a standout paranormal mystery series, from the setting (rural Newfoundland), the characters, the balance of darker topics with Rachel’s breezy friendly narration and humour, and well-built world. Mystery Night once again highlights one of the big things I love about Krista’s writing, though, which is the feminist-friendly angle she takes with her storylines. Instead of falling into the potential trappings of overly-idealized, Feminist 101 characters, the Spirit Caller Series presents real people with real (and supernatural) struggles, where diverse characters support one another in a world that isn’t always friendly toward them. Krista’s love scenes always present enthusiastic consent, violence against women is tackled in an honest, non-exploitative way, and when common romance tropes pop up–such as the secret love of your life showing up drunk at your house in a situation where he could be taken advantage of–the author subverts expectations in a refreshing way. Similarly, there’s a bit at the end of Mystery Night that was handled really well (no spoilers!), presenting a realistic situation that could’ve gone cliche but instead reaffirms why we love these characters and the stories. That said, the mystery and paranormal elements are always at the forefront, making this a great read for all fans of the genre.

The boxset sale ends December 15th and Mystery Night releases December 10. If you love a good paranormal mystery with humour, romance, heavy topics presented with respect and care, fun characters, and smooth reading, pick up this series ASAP and thank me later.

(Also, if you don’t like these things, pick the books up anyway and then send Krista hatemail ’cause that shit’s hilarious.)

November 30, 2014 By Skyla Dawn Cameron

25% Off eBooks (and $10 Off Covers)

So the big A has fubared something on their end and not sent me most of my royalty payments this month (this is actually a first–whatever issues I have with Amazon, they are much more consistent about paying me on time than I ever experienced in publishing). Which I was kind of counting on*, as one does when this is how one makes one’s living and one has just spent a month’s worth of rent/bill money at the vet. *cough*

While I wait for some help from them, I’ve temporarily set up a coupon code for my online ebook store–25% by entering the code catfood at checkout. Buying direct from me means I get paid more money and right away, and YOU get DRM ebooks in all formats, so it’s win-win. Also, my cats get to eat something other than my corpse, so it’s win-win-WIN.

And if you’re a writer and might need a cover, my pre-mades can be bought for $10 off (even the ones on sale) with the same coupon code at checkout, catfood. There’s a catch with that one, though, in that the coupon can only be used once per person and only by five people. Once five have used it, it’s done. (If you want a cover but don’t have a title yet, you can buy it now and ask me to customize it later–that’s fine too.)

The coupon code does not apply to the lone print book in my shop or to other services offered at my design site (I am booked solid for the next little while–pre-made covers are finished and therefore not new work, hence the sale).

I’ll edit the post to add when the ebook code is no longer valid (it’ll probably be a week-long thing). Thanks!

Iloveyouawesomenerds

*It is not dire. Do not randomly send me money, I am not asking for a handout. I have some pennies coming through PayPal shortly and work to finish up this week that I’ll be paid for too. But it’s gotten a little uncomfortably tight while I’m juggling paying for medication and having to actually budget for groceries now that I can eat plus catching up for work as I’m figuring out my spoon allotment now, and I’d really like to get some cat food for the week since I don’t know how long it’ll take A to fix this. Also litter. Litter is good. Hence sales on stuff that doesn’t increase my work/stress load.

If you don’t need a book or a cover, passing it along to someone who would is a great help. Thank you.