Seven years ago today, I began Livi’s publishing journey with Solomon’s Seal.

I set that date intentionally. It was just over a month after Oblivion concluded that series (I would not, now, have releases so close together, but I wanted it clear and done when Livi started). Traditional book releases are Tuesdays, and my birthday is the 21st, so the 20th was kind of like happy birthday to me as I launched a book I pinned a lot of hope on. It was the most commercial of anything I’d written and I thought it was my best chance to start making more of a living at writing.

The release was on Tuesday the 20th, and my good friend Danni was visiting from Australia the next day, to stay a few days for my birthday, so I had a little local book launch on Wed the 21st, which was also like a birthday party.

…then my niece died. On my birthday. The next couple of days were very rough for that side of my family.

So I don’t really look back at that time with much fondness (though I am still so grateful for all the love and support Danni provided; that will always be with me…also she made me get fitted properly for a bra and bought me fancy ones, which in itself was life-changing).

This makes it a very weird thing to reflect about, but it’s been seven years and I thought Livi’s book birthday deserved an acknowledgment.

In some ways, clearly, it did not meet my hopes. I still desperately love this series, these characters, this world, despite how hard it is to reconnect with it now. It has done much better than my other books, but that is still…not great lol. It probably wasn’t ever realistic to think it could get much traction in a genre where short books rapidly released are the expectation. I think, given my interactions with some people and experiences, I’ve become much more jaded now than when I launched the first book, and there’s a part of me I won’t get back again that I mourn sometimes. There are also some very personal reasons why these books hurt a lot for me to write, which I won’t get into, but that ache never goes away.

There is so much good, though.

Amid the hatemail and that, I still get those quiet little comments from people who bought the books and say how much Livi means to them. (One of you, you know who you are, said you listen to the playlists and think about the characters sometimes, and I swear I coasted on that for days.) Who have loved the books as they are instead of them not being x, y, z, and who just really have enjoyed the journey. It’s always my hope that these stories, which are so very real to me, can live with someone else just a fraction of the way they consume me–knowing that was achieved helps me a lot.

And there are still people finding them.

A few words of personal recommendation a popular blog still sends a few dozen new people over to buy the books (like, even as recently as the first of this month!). Some come over to Patreon. Livi keeps breathing life into my career just by existing.

Even in my darkest moments, where I have a tremendous number of regrets, I am glad I hit publish on that book seven years ago. Grateful for the people it brought to my life, the folks who went on to support the writing of new books, those extra dollars I get sometimes to go toward vet bills. It didn’t meet the hopes I had for the series, and it’s ending too soon, but this is the book that brought so many of you to my work, and I would not be here without you. This book is a big reason why half of my income comes from writing now. This has given me so very much I am grateful for, and I thank Livi for that.

Happy anniversary, girl.

Everything’s retrograding pretty hard right now, it seems.

I’ve been offline since last Tuesday night–my old modem went down and wouldn’t come back up, and this afternoon was the earliest a technician could come down.

I am chronically online, so this was very stressful–especially since I was supposed to finish up the last of a couple of big projects last week because this week is my birthday and I’m taking it off to read and recharge (and next week as well). I was still able to do a couple of things but largely couldn’t access my files or send files to clients–I was able to check my email via the poor connection at the town’s hotspot in a nearby park, just to ensure nothing terrible was happening. What might be terrible, you ask? Well, you know, KDP does stuff like “We have a problem with your account–please address this issue or we’ll close your account in five days”, which did not happen but it’s impossible to be a self-published author and not paranoid about it.

There was a notification from Kobo about ensuring my preorder was ready for tomorrow, and I nearly had a heart attack as I panicked about whether I’d uploaded the final files or not. I had, it’s fine, it’s just the boxset for Livi Vol 2 (if you wait for boxsets, you can grab that now: Kobo | iBooks | Nook | Payhip).

Still, it’s impossible not to be paranoid.

I was able to do a few projects offline for clients, things I sent off today. And although I’m no longer doing premade covers (basically, my market is tapped, Twitter’s reach is now non-existent, and it stresses me out to do sales and try to sell things when no one is buying), I had that time and a lot of photos, so there are a few new ones if that’s your thing.

Anyway, I was going to post this update here tomorrow, but I’ve got email and messages from just about every platform I’m on, and I’m extremely tired (I never sleep ahead of appointments), so I’m answering what I can, but, for any I miss: I’m here, I’m alive, I’m just exhausted.

I’m glad for all the physical media I’ve kept (and continued to collect), and rewatched a lot of older things I don’t have on streaming or digital. I also pulled out Waverly 5 and wrote about 20K over the past four days (9K on Saturday specifically). Without the constant stream of online information and that, it was kind of like I could hear myself think again? (Those of you who have cut various cords are probably saying, yes, duh, Skyla–but look, we have to get our dopamine hits somewhere–speaking of, hit me up if you want a Bsky invite code!) I think, had I been offline for another week or two, I might’ve gotten a really rough draft of it done.

Since I’m on holidays, sort of (one big thing to do tomorrow), maybe I’ll just unplug the new modem and get a big chunk of the book done. I might have to do that, when I’m in a position to make good progress on Livi 7, just unplug for two weeks and write as much as possible.

There’s a metaphor I’ve often used that I think came from Stephen King? I want to say it was from On Writing, which I read back in the day like literally everyone else. But it was something like, when we publish–or even going through edits–we open a door, but to go back and write again, we need to shut that door. We can’t have the reader, or critical opinions, or anything else hanging over us when we write. (If I’ve mangled this, I apologize, but it’s what I remember.)

I still use that to describe things, but at the same time, for me it’s a little different–it’s not so much opening and closing a door as it is I have to sever myself from books in order to publish them. Before I publish, I reread them all the time. I write what I want to read, every time, and I will just endlessly reread them. As soon as they’re in other people’s hands, though, I stop, and I cut myself off entirely the moment a book is published. I have to, in order to function (whether it’s the dumbest hatemail and name-calling, or the theft, or a complete lack of reception at all, I need a buffer there after being emotionally raw with a book).

With a series, that means there’s a process of continually cutting myself off and then reconnecting over and over again. Over and over again.

That creates a sort of mental and emotional scar tissue, and is harder and harder to do every time. I think that might be one of the reasons why I’ve been writing so much of Waverly’s books in advance–I’m almost halfway through #5, which will be a 2026 release (and I’d already started #6 last year before I realized I had to go back and write others). The more I’ve gotten those rough drafts done, the less I’ll have to go through that process back and forth of severing and reconnecting–I’m already a little bit severed after the zero draft, because I’m already shifting into revision mode and have a bit of distance. Standalones, too, help a little more with that, and I’d really like to do more thrillers and horror that are not remotely series.

Anyway, being entirely cut off of everything–streaming, social media, email, etc–seems to help a little with the reconnection part. I might need reminding of that at some point again.

I’ve still got some big stressful tasks to do that were put on hold due to the internet being down. The next pharmacy delivery came and the meds were once again listed as “compassionate” so I guess the company is still covering it while we’re sorting out all the funding (still no side effects, though my neighbour checks in on the injection days to ensure I’m not dead). Shawn and Libby have a vet appointment next week and Rodney next month, so…please buy some books and covers and whatever else lol.

God, I hope this little guy doesn’t need more teeth out this year.

It’s my scheduled weekly writing day, which has been a lot of admin stuff and some revision. I don’t 100% know everything I need to weave into Hell Fire (and how to make the ending sit right), but I’m cleaning up October’s chapters so I can get those scheduled to go at Patreon.

Proofer got back the fixes for A Wild Kind of Darkness, so I made those on the weekend. It’s formatted for print (paperback and special hardcover), and the full-wrap covers are done, so now it’s a matter of waiting a few more weeks to upload those files and the eBooks.

Patrons in good standing before a new release are thanked on the credits page (I would love to credit every single person during a book’s creation, but people come and go at Patreon, so it’s a lot to keep track of; the easiest on me is to check the list before publication), so I always wait until closer to release to finalize everything with an updated list of folks. The eARCs are loaded for the Book Club Tier, though, and the extended eight-chapter preview for November 1 for everyone.

The Killing Beach hardcover had two illustrations–one with the main book and one with the short story. The Nancy Drew books I remember used to have those at the beginning, an illustration of a later scene and a little enticing quote from it without much other context, so I’ve tried to recreate it. A Wild Kind of Darkness has the main one, but as I’ve added extras to the bonus features, I found myself wanting another one to go with the prequel short…which is very much outside my budget, with everything going on this fall.

So I tried my hand at drawing in Procreate.

In the writing essay tier of Patreon this month, I’ll have a longer post about it, but just doing something for a few nights that was creative but not writing–something with my hands (even if it’s a stylus)–seemed to jostle things loose in my brain, and I actually wrote a chunk at Saturday night’s write-in on The Only Way Out.

Funny how I keep forgetting and relearning these tricks that help refill the well.

The book still does not have a significant word count, but I’m hoping between Waverly 3 revisions, I’ll make some progress. Very tentatively (very tentatively), I’m hoping to fit it into the fall 2024 spot that’s empty in my release schedule, because at this point it’s the closest I am to having something done.

There is no preorder, and will not be until I have a rough draft done, but that’s the current plan.

I don’t even really have a jacket copy as, at this point, the narrator doesn’t have a name (she does, it’s given at the very end, but it’s a little joke I don’t expect most people outside of gothic fans to get) so it’ll be kind of tough to write. But it’s interesting writing a book through the lens of Norah from Dweller because the story is filtered through her and her experiences as much as they are my own (she’s even going to slip a “Fuck you, Greg” remark in there).

It’s at least on the homepage now (though not linked yet), so you know I’m serious.

Stay tuned! …very tentatively lol.

Second medication loading dose is Friday. Still no idea how it’s getting paid for after that, but I did all the government forms and my case manager is taking it from here (she can follow up with the Ministry of Health) since that’s what she’s paid for. My private insurance will cover a bit, but I’m pretty sure the shots are something like $500 a pop? That’s still an extra $300 a month I’ll be paying, at least until the insurance runs out and then it’s a full $1000? Or double that if biweekly doesn’t work and I end up needing them weekly.

I’ll figure it out, even if it involves selling panties on the internet. In a deep dive about side effects and what to expect, I ran into all kinds of stories of people with my illness and the complications inherent as the disease progresses. And…nope. Not doing that. Even though I feel fine right now, that will not be the case if it keeps progressing, and it will, so I need treatment.

Healthcare is such a fucking racket. This is going to be my villain origin story.

Anyway, if you haven’t already: A Wild Kind of Darkness is up for preorder, so please check it out. Two months before release is normally when I start picking up preorders, but these books have totally stalled, given how small readership is when starting a new series from scratch. (If you’re on Bsky, I’ve got a thread here about career stalls [that I even dug out the Oblivion sales numbers for lolsob], and nestled in it is a great thread by Krista. If you’re not on Bsky and want an invite, leave a comment here and I’ll send it to the email address you leave with it.)

Second treadmill session of the day almost done here–it’s so hot, I can’t stay on for long (I can’t run the a/c at the same time or I risk burning out a fuse), so I might be stuck at 7K steps when the day is done. At least it’s something. I’ve also been listening to the Unpacking soundtrack while walking, which has become my top anxiety game–not only is it great storytelling, but it’s just very soothing to arrange everything. That and Stardew Valley‘s soundtrack make great, unobtrusive background noise.

For a short book it gave me a lot of headaches, but Hell Fire is finally knocked off my list. Mostly.

It’s at least 5K words short, between flesh I need to add and a lot of the penultimate chapter, which is bits of dialogue, scene direction, and story beats I need to hit. I’m an extremely visual writer–I see complete imagery in my head with vivid colour–but really struggled with this because it’s not typical action but Elis and others all doing magicky things, so as complicated as something like Livi v the Terracotta Army was to write, this is trickier.

I’ve also shortchanged various characters’ arcs, because Elis has some big things and of course that was my focus. Melinoë’s is there even if it needs more to it and others can be fleshed out a little more. It is all still a tremendous amount of work, and I have to look at what to weave into upcoming chapters before they post (I will probably be too late to add to September’s, though).

But…it’s done. And Elis solved her problems with misandry, so thematically I think the book works super well.

This is my sixty-second book (I think, I stopped keeping track after I hit fifty, and this is per the last time I actually wrote down every single title I could think of; it could be inaccurate) I’ve finished in twenty-two years. This does count pen name books, so basically anything on the shorter end of 45-50K to my big 150K books (Yampellec’s Idol still holds the record), trunk novels and private books, etc. It does not count novellas, novelettes, or shorts collections, otherwise we’d be here all goddamn day trying to remember and count them, and let’s be honest: a 15K-word novella is not the same as a 100K-word book. Shorter is just as hard for me to write if not harder, yes, but there are far fewer moving parts to keep track of.

The only thing that actually gets easier is that you’re more likely to remember that nothing gets easier. You know by this point that every story is different, every way they’re written is different, the amount of time each one takes is different. It becomes easier, then, to accept the parts of the process that are ugly (the doubt, the exhaustion, the fear) and just keep moving, because you’ve dealt with it so many times before and you know it’s temporary.

Kind of like suicide ideation.

…kidding! That was a joke!

I’m fine, I swear, it was, just so I could use that gif the third time in a row, because it’s the most me gif that ever was.

So Hell Fire has to sit now for a bit. I’m going to jump into A Wild Kind of Darkness copyedits today.

I’ve changed up my scheduled stuff, as I talked to my neighbour last night and she’s back to work this week. Given that very very tiny risk of anaphylaxis with a new medication, I’m opting to start my doses on Friday when she’s home. I’ll be on FaceTime with Dina ensuring I’m doing everything right and checking for problems, and I can text the neighbour and confirm my throat hasn’t swollen closed. If there are any problems, that way someone else can call an ambulance for me.

It’s overly precautious, probably? But also, this represents a very big thing for me: talking to people and having help lined up rather than doing it myself and possibly dying alone. Dina did go through my history last night to remind me, so for those playing along at home: yeah, in 2020 I fell and broke my foot and did not go to an ER (it’s fine now! just the occasional pain if I fold my foot a little while sitting cross-legged); yeah, in 2019 I had what was probably strep throat and was delirious with a fever of 104.3F but did not go to an ER (it’s fine! I managed!); a couple of times prior to that, yeah, I had my feet stepped on by a horse and it’s caused permanent nerve damage, which is why I’m super prone to falling and breaking my foot (or my tones, which happens more than is probably normal).

I learned at a very early age to self-soothe and manage things on my own–it’s why I ended up a writer, after all–and having to unlearn that has been extremely difficult. But I’m lucky friends have worked so hard to teach me that, so I’m trying to be responsible here.

(Again, I will endure anything for this little fucker, to ensure I don’t die prematurely and abandon him, including speak up and rely on others.)

I worked on the weekend, and I stayed up late last night to finish Hell Fire, so I’m still taking a few days off, I’m just going to do some laundry and dishes and various chores, then hopefully any side effects I have will resolve over the weekend. Still on the treadmill daily, clearly, because I’m posting here.

I’m going to be optimistic and hope that this preview will be accurate for next summer–the jacket copy is at the end of Hell Fire.

But writing it is gonna be next year’s Skyla’s problem.