publishing

Yeah, I Get It

I've seen many conversations the past month or so about epiracy. eBook readers feeling like publishers make reading ebooks legitimately hard on them and upset by resentful authors ranting about piracy, people claiming that they're turned off of buying an author's work when they hear about them being vocal about the issue.Read more

Louise Cooper 1952 - 2009

I have a post up on the Mundania blog about the passing of Louise Cooper. I was going to cross-post or expand on it here, but I pretty much said it all there. http://mundaniapress.blogspot.com/2009/10/louise-cooper-1952-2009.html

I Don't Get It

I've watched the ebook vs print book debate for years.

I fully admit that I don't get it.

I've never understood why anyone would get so up in arms over the format of a bloody book.

People vehemently in favour of the print format swear up and down that they'll never read an ebook, holding a paper book is so important, and act as though ebooks have less value. Ebook people (often writers) get defensive about the wave of the future, the convenience, etc.

Really, though, who the hell cares?

I like stories. I like stories in a variety of formats. I like movies, tv shows, video games, and yes, books.

Print books are lovely. They're nice to take anywhere and curl up in bed with. Great on the eyes. Yay print books!

But, you know, I'm picky about print books. I can't read most used ones unless they've barely been touched. That musty smell kicks up my allergies. If they've sat on the shelf for too long, the dust sets me off too. I'm also a little obsessive compulsive about not creasing the spines of books, which can make it awkward trying to read the words close to the gutter.

I'm also not a fan of hardcovers. Oh, they're pretty and all. And you should definitely get the River/Wolfe set when they're ready for release. But I always have to strip the jacket cover off because it gets in the way. They're heavy and awkward.

And ebooks also have their downsides. I don't dig reading on the screen all the time. I read sometimes on my ipod and it kills my battery, so I can't read for long. I can't be bothered dropping money on an electronic reader, either, so that's out.

But I can't imagine feeling so strongly about any format that I would become a total snob about it.

Here's the thing: I care about content. I care about characters and story and words. The format that content is in doesn't matter to me. If I really want an awesome book by an awesome author and it's only in ebook, then I'll buy the ebook. If I can get it in print and I don't mind waiting, I'll head down to the local book store and have it ordered.

But that's what it comes down to for me. Content. I like stories. I'm delighted when stories are offered in a variety of formats so that everyone can enjoy them. I see no reason to attack others for their preference of format, and don't understand why it's anyone's business HOW they want to read a goddamn book.

Should we not be happy about the fact that more ways to read books can mean more books getting to more people? This is a good thing. So how about we stop being douche bags, respect other people's choices, and celebrate literacy.

And, also, especially not helpful when you say ebooks and their authors are soulless, so let's stop with the dramatic crap, m'kay?

How NOT To Be A Douche Bag Author 101

Welcome to a new edition of HNTBADBA 101.

Warning: this column will regularly feature lots of profanity. So Sensitive Speshul Snowflakes can go elsewhere.

This week, we're going to talk about...douche bags who insult editors while their manuscripts are under consideration.

This may seem like a no-brainer. Why the hell would anyone insult an editor while their manuscript is under consideration (or while they THINK their manuscript is under consideration)? But it happens. A lot.

And not just from the people you'd expect. Yes, I had an author who had no professional credits send me long rambles lecturing me about publishing and insulting me and the company I work for, after I'd rejected three of his manuscripts. The fourth was, technically, still under consideration, but obviously that didn't occur to him when he emailed me several times in the course of a week to tell me how stupid I was and how I don't know anything about publishing.

However...even authors with multiple credits can be total fucking douche bags.

I've received a lot of lectures from people complaining that I've taken a year to evaluate their book when, in actuality, I rejected it months and months ago, but the message apparently went to spam. I received one such email from someone who works on a publishing staff elsewhere. This writer spent several paragraphs informing me how unprofessional I was for not replying and how awful the company must be for ignoring him...and THEN proceeded to say that the manuscript s/he had sent had been revised, and if we're still considering it, could s/he resend it?

Um...Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Okay, IF I was still considering it--which I wasn't, and I had rejected it eight months earlier--why the fuck would I STILL consider it after the author went off on a rant about how much I suck?

I also had someone tell me--after I pointed out that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't a good idea to yell at an editor for rejecting a manuscript since it's burning a bridge--that the bridge was going nowhere anyways because I rejected his work, so why not? Well, here's the thing, potential douche bags: not only do editors often end up working at different houses in the future, but they also talk to one another. A lot. If I deal with a total fucking twat in slush (or who is already contracted) do you honestly NOT think that I would tell other people to warn them? Because that's what we do. No one wants to work with problem children. When I had a slush author recently become increasingly more unhinged in his harassment of me, do you think I just sat back silently? Fuck no. I warned everyone I knew.

And yes, even in house authors pull this kind of shit.

Now, we all know that I'm a little anal about people being professional and fairly formal in their correspondence with me (unless I know them quite well and we've worked together before), and I'm VERY anal about people following the guidelines. So not doing those kinds of things puts me in a foul mood. But I've had authors bitch at me for not getting their book evaluated in under a month (and, I know this is shocking, BUT I often have more pressing things to worry about, like current book production), and others bitch at me because I've bounced their submission back and requested that they follow the guidelines.

Okay, so...you really, really, really want me to take your book and...the way to get me to do this is...to insult me?!

What the hell? Did these people go to those classes for pick-up artists that says if you act like a douche bag and insult a woman, she'll sleep with you?

Look, I'm the first one to want to open her mouth and snark back when people piss me off. I understand wanting to do that. But I don't because this is a business and I know I'm not going to get anywhere if I let my temper get the best of me.

I've said it before and I'll repeat it again: submitting your manuscript is a lot like dating. Authors are entering into relationships with publishers. If you go out on dates with someone, you're far less likely to get laid if you insult your date and tell her she's a moron who doesn't know anything about dating; if you submit a manuscript, you're far less likely to have it accepted if you yell and snark at the editor during the process

If a manuscript is under consideration, I don't care how impatient and annoyed you are--don't insult the editor while you're inquiring about your submission. A simple, "Dear ___, I submitted __Title__ on __Date__ and my name is __Author Name__. Can you please tell me the status?" IF the book actually is still under consideration, you haven't ruined your chances.

Some people lack this kind of logic.

They are douche bags.

Don't be one.

Brand New Disclaimer! The opinions expressed herein are those of the person who wrote them and in no way represent any company anywhere on the planet. If you don't like it, and can't take this kind of humour, kindly walk away and don't be a fucktard.

For past issues, please head here.

Did you know that you can subscribe directly to the HNTBADBA 101 feed? Click here.

Are We There Yet?

I just posted something on the Mundania blog about author impatience, which you can read right here.

That post is specifically about authors sending things in books before they're ready, and it happens all too often.Read more

How NOT To Be A Douche Bag Author 101

Welcome to a new, belated edition of HNTBADBA 101! Usually it's biweekly and posted on Wednesday. It is now Friday (I think). It's a couple days late because I've had the week from hell, however I knew I couldn't wait until next Wednesday because then Julie Butcher (@jimsissy for Twitter peeps and you had BETTER be following her!) would be sad and not entertained. And I live to entertain people with publishing rants.

Warning: this column will regularly feature lots of profanity. So Sensitive Speshul Snowflakes can go elsewhere.

Today's edition is about...slush author douche bags.

My duties as senior editor are split primarily between coordinating edits and working in acquisitions.

Acquisitions is the department that reviews all submitted manuscripts, rejects most of them, and then accepts one or two. Although I see a LOT of author douchebaggery among contracted authors, the vast majority occurs with the ones who haven't had their books accepted yet.

Here's pretty typical douche bag behavior I tend to see...

Manuscript goes for review. Thumbs up from the initial read editors. I send out a notice that it's going for a full read with an editor.

I get back a note saying the book has already been accepted elsewhere.

Okay...what...the...fuck? Look, we accept sim-subs. Our website states that we send a notice about every manuscript. Sometimes they get caught in spam filters, so maybe you didn't get it.

But TIME and MONEY are being spent evaluating YOUR book. And you didn't have the common decency to let other publishers know when it had been accepted elsewhere?

Guess what: Skyla the Bitch Editor has a mental auto-reject list. If you waste my time being a douche bag, you go on it. Out of the thousands of authors I deal with, I remember names for two different reasons. One: You were polite, an amazing writer, and/or you acted like a professional and let me know if the book was taken elsewhere. Two: You stalk/harass me or only tell me AFTER I've sent some kind of notice to you that the book is contracted with another house.

The douchebaggery doesn't end there, however.

Sometimes, the author decides that our house would be better than the one he or she accepted. I know a few douche bags who tried to get me to offer them a contract so they could then cancel the one they have with the other publisher.

Okay, here's the thing, potential douche bags: first, I can't consider a manuscript when the rights aren't available. It's legally and morally wrong, and YES I do have some ethics. Second, that is such a fucking douche bag thing to do.

Yeah, sometimes you're with a publisher and you suspect Something Is Wrong. You have to be careful in small press and epublishing. Sometimes, something IS wrong. Other times, you and the staff just don't jive. Honestly, I've worked with quite a few people where we didn't mesh and it was clear that we shouldn't work together. And I'm always upfront about this.

But when you're under contract, that's legally binding. You should NOT be offering it to another publisher. And even if it's the most brilliant manuscript in the world...do you REALLY think we'd want to work with an author who is so wholly filled with douche-i-ness that he or she would try something like that? What if said author did it to US?

And then sometimes, we get another email from the author letting us know the work is available again. In case we want it.

Well...guess what? We don't. Because YOU are a fucking douche bag who didn't inform us immediately when you signed a contract. And I don't care how many times you want to send it to me: I'm not going to take it. And if you think editors don't ever talk about these stories or share the names of various douche bags, you're pretty naive.

So you know what we do now? If a book makes it past the first cut to an initial read, the editor googles. Checks out the author and the book. And if it's still in print, or scheduled to be in print somewhere, I don't even bother with a rejection letter.

And then there are clueless douche bags, and this is my favourite kind of response to my letters... I say, "sorry, we're not accepting your book". They say, "that's fine--I just sold it to PublishAmerica and it'll be in bookstores in two months".

Okay then, douche. Good luck with that.

I see many other douche bags in slush (the insane guy who stalked me was one, the kid who asked his friends to harass me into take his book was another), so I'll maybe blog about them another day. But for now, if you're an aspiring author, please remember that if you want a career in publishing, it's best not to waste people's time. And to not do anything like BREACH YOUR CONTRACT.

Some people don't realize this.

They are douche bags.

Don't be one.

Brand New Disclaimer! The opinions expressed herein are those of the person who wrote them and in no way represent any company anywhere on the planet. If you don't like it, and can't take this kind of humour, kindly walk away and don't be a fucktard.

For past issues, please head here.

Did you know that you can subscribe directly to the HNTBADBA 101 feed? Click here.

Advice for Teen (and to an Extent, New) Writers

Okay, I know I've said I'm uncomfortable with giving writing advice. But I get a number of books in slush from kids. Like, sixteen to nineteen years old. And I cringe every time because I know a) I'm going to reject the book, and b) I do worry about crushing their dreams. I work with young writers--I like to encourage raw talent, so I do feel bad why I have to send them a form letter without any feedback.

Wait, how do I know I'm going to reject them, right?

Because as teenagers, our writing sucks.

I encourage everyone to head first here and then here for clarification on the first post. There is advice there for teen writers, and IMO the most important ones to remember are points one and two. 1) Right now, your writing sucks, and 2) it's okay because eventually you'll get better.

When you're young, having raw talent that separates you from your peers is enough to get by. The problem is that as soon as you start wanting to compete with real writers, being "great for your age" means you're NOT GOOD ENOUGH when competing with professionals.

It noticed this profound difference when I reached eighteen (which was eight years ago, so YES, kids, I know what I'm talking about--I'm not as old as your mom yet). Being a better writer than everyone else in the seventh grade makes you stand out. When you enter in a world with people forty years your senior who have a dozen books under their belt, the entire landscape changes.

I'm now going to sound like that Old Woman who doesn't remember Being A Teenager, but the truth is there's about a 1% chance your writing doesn't suck at this stage. I realize High School is Hell but that does NOT equal Life Experience. Even if you got picked on. Even if you failed math. Even if your parents got divorced. All these things are important and shape you, and will affect your writing, but with few exceptions, you life probably hasn't been all that bad. And even if you've lived a Hollywood movie, you need to develop distance and perspective to properly channel that life experience into work that people will actually want to read.

This shouldn't discourage you from writing. You should write even more than you already are. If you want to be a novelist, then keep writing novels. I wrote three before I was twenty, finished the fourth when I was twenty-one, and it was the first book I had published. The first three? They'll never see the light of day. They were valuable, I learned a lot, and I love them, but they are NOT good enough to be published.

Do you think the first song someone tries to write on their guitar will be OMG!Perfect and the bestest thing in the world and get them a record contract? If you build a chair, it'll be the most perfect chair? Design an outfit? Would you expect your first painting to be the best thing you'd ever do? (If you say yes, please think about that really, really hard for a second.) Writing is a craft, like any discipline. Your tenth book will be better than your first. I really, truly, honestly promise, it will. So whether you're a teen writer or not, I URGE to write a couple of books before you try to publish one.

Does it seem awful that you would write so much and never see it published? Um, thems are the breaks, sweetheart. That's what we all do. Even authors with dozens of books under their belts write something in the middle of their careers that needs to stay in a drawer. Your eagerness is cute, but it isn't the way to a long and successful professional writing career. It's the way to a fast rejection.

So that it doesn't seem like I'm just insulting everyone, I'm now going to include a list of all the specific things I see in teen writing that makes the work suck...which will still probably sound insulting and condescending, but I'm going with the tough love approach. You want to be a professional author? Buck up and listen to some harsh things.Read more

How NOT To Be A Douche Bag Author 101

Welcome to a new edition of my bi-weekly blog column, How NOT To Be A Douche Bag Author 101! This is where I give some snarky advice to hapless writers who don't want to make fools of themselves in the publishing world.

Warning: this column will regularly feature lots of profanity. So Sensitive Speshul Snowflakes can go elsewhere.

Today's edition is about being a douche bag tattletale.

You see, after the previous edition, I learned that not everyone wants to know HNTBADBA101.

Some people are offended by it.

So some people ran to my boss to complain. Or, rather, one person, because everyone else on the goddamn planet seems to GET THE HUMOUR.

The complaint was that my language is "unprofessional."

Well, you see, my original column title was going to be "How to NOT Be A Whiny Fucktard Author Everyone Wants to Drown 101" but that seemed a little too much. So I opted for "douche bag".

Now, here's something REALLY important people seemed to have missed: this is my blog. It's not a company blog. I'm not speaking on behalf of anyone other than myself.

This means my work boss is not my blog boss.

OMG! What a shocker!

If you don't like my language, don't read my fucking blog.

Some people are incapable of such common sense. And there are authors we deal with all the time who get all bent out of shape over something (generally during editing when I tell them to get over themselves and listen to the fucking editor) and decide to run and tattle to my boss. This usually comes in the form of a douche bag author suddenly copying the boss on a big long rant sent to me complaining that I called them out on douche bag author behaviour.

Boys and girls, if you think the boss doesn't ALREADY know I'm having a problem with someone and the circumstances, you're quite mistaken.

We communicate regularly. This consists of, "Uh, So-and-So is being a bit of a lunatic. Just in case they come bitching to you." See, communication is good. That's why I spend so much of my time writing columns like these, in addition to all the articles on the company blog about our submissions process and that.

FYI: if someone is the boss, they're REALLY. FUCKING. BUSY. They're dealing with more important shit than what ever little thing has your panties in a wad. And you know what happens when you try to go over someone's head to the boss? Your message gets bumped right back to whoever you went over. And they will then know that you're a douche bag.

Now, if you're horribly offended by the things I say but would still like publishing advice, please visit our actual COMPANY blog right here and get the non-profane version of things. And if you think that I am just SO unprofessional and need to be taught a lesson, at least have the fucking ovaries to say something to ME. Don't be that whiny kid who runs to the teacher, because this isn't elementary school.

Some authors haven't figured out that they're grownups yet.

These people are douche bags.

Don't be one.

Brand New Disclaimer! The opinions expressed herein are those of the person who wrote them and in no way represent any company anywhere on the planet. If you don't like it, and can't take this kind of humour, kindly walk away and don't be a fucktard.

For past issues, please head here.

How NOT To Be A Douche Bag Author 101

Hey there! Welcome back to my bi-weekly (I know I said it would be weekly, but I lied) edition of HNTBADBA101, wherein I attempt to educate hapless writers about the pitfalls of dealing with the wacky publishing world.

Today's edition is called...Follow the Fucking Guidelines.

Our romance imprint, Awe-Struck Publishing, recently opened for submissions. If you would like to send me some AWESOME romance, please view the guidelines here: http://www.awe-struck.net/submissions.html

And then...FOLLOW those same guidelines.

You see, editors have to deal with thousands of manuscripts. If everyone formatted things whatever way they felt like and included whatever information they wanted to, it would make it a lot more time consuming to go through.

This is half of the reason why publishers have guidelines.

You see, if you send me the manuscript in docx, not all of the readers can open it. If you don't include the name of your manuscript in the file name or cover page of the book, it'll be confusing if someone gets the book for a full read. If you fail to send us a synopsis, we won't know if we'll like your book or not (and contrary to popular belief, that won't entice us to read the book to find out). If we can't easily find the genre, title, and word count in your cover letter, it makes it hard for us to the log the submission.

Guidelines are there to make our job easier. I know, I know, the editing staff is actually Eeevul and they should just be happy that you sent your Speshul manuscript to them in first place.

Well, here's the thing: would you like us to be able to decide on your manuscript faster or slower?

I'll let you think about it.

Every time you, the author, choose to do something that is going to cost us MORE time, you're slowing down the slush evaluation process for EVERYONE.

Some authors don't seem to care about this. They are douche bags.

Now, I said that only half of it was to make our lives easier.

The other half?

So we know if you're an idiot or not.

"Oh, whine whine, Skyla is calling writers names. She's so evil." I'm sorry, but it's NOT difficult to a) look at the publisher's guidelines, b) READ them, and c) follow them. If you can't do that, you're not just a douche bag--you're a fucking moron.

DON'T just trust marketplace listings that you find at a third party site. DON'T just trust your friend who sent you the email address of a publisher.

First, open Google. That's "www.google.com" Type in the name of the publisher. The website is probably called www.thepublisher'sname.com Go to that site and look for the words "submissions" or "for authors". Trust me, if it's a publisher's site, they have something like that. See all those nifty guidelines there? Print out a copy and follow them TO THE LETTER.

If you're not sure about formatting (should I use a double dash or an em dash?), and it doesn't specify, then it doesn't matter. But if it DOES say something, like, say, put the synopsis in the body of the email, attach in RTF, and include certain information at the top of your cover letter, for god's sake, DO IT.

Seriously, if you can follow guidelines, an editor is going to at least know that you pay attention and care enough about the business to make a good first impression. Do you know how many contracted authors I have to deal with who don't read a fucking word I say and ask the same questions over and over again? If I can weed those people out ahead of time for not following guidelines, I sure as hell do.

Yes, we all know that you're going to send the book to lots of publishers. And it's a total pain in the ass to have two dozen versions of your book and cover letter in My Documents that you send to all these different publishers. It feels like a waste of time. You wrote the damn book. You edited and rewrote it. Polished it. Became an alcoholic while writing the synopsis. Sobbed over your cover letter.

See, I get it. I know how you feel.

But, buck up, kiddies. You want to play ball? Get your shit together and play by the rules, or go home.

Publishers (and this rant applies to agent guidelines too) may seem like a dime a dozen, but if you can't be bothered to do the research to find out a) what they want, and b) how they want it sent to them, then don't come bitching to me that I rejected your Speshul Masterpiece.

A lot of writers don't follow even basic guidelines.

These people are douche bags.

Don't be one.

For past issues, please head here.

How NOT To Be A Douche Bag Author 101

Welcome to another edition of "How NOT To Be A Douche-Bag Author 101", wherein I explore the various cases of author douchebaggery I have encountered.

I'd like to talk a little bit further about something in my previous blog post.

Email etiquette.

This may come as a shock to some people, but email does NOT necessarily equal "casual."

If you were applying for a job in "the real world", meaning somewhere local where you would go into the office...what kind of cover letter would you send with your resume? How would you correspond with a fellow business? Would it say:

Here's my resume. Everyone says I'd be really good at this job. - Joe.

I sure as hell hope you wouldn't send that.

So why do people think that's acceptable to do with a publisher? Whether you're an aspiring author sending me slush, an in house author talking about your book's progress through production, or even an editor/artist inquiring about employment...dude, be a fucking professional.

Look, it's one thing if you're one of my authors and we've corresponded a lot. But it's another if I barely know who the hell you are.

So let's talk about Japan for a second.

If you know anything about Japanese culture or the language, you'll be aware that there are different ways of addressing people depending on who they are and what the situation is. You don't address your boss the same way you address your BFF. The language has varying levels of politeness. If you're unfamiliar with what to use, the safest bet is to be MORE polite than you think you have to be. If you're more polite than the situation requires...nothing bad happens. If you're LESS polite, however, you risk offending and/or pissing off people.

So when you're talking to the publishing staff, pretend you're in Japan.

DO begin your email with a salutation You can say "Dear Ms Cameron" though most of the time "Hi Skyla" will suffice. DO have a subject line that's relevant to the email, ie. "Question about ___" as opposed to "Hi" or, god help me, "(no subject)". DO sign off with, "Thanks, _YourName_" or "Regards, _YourName_." If you forget that kind of thing...uh, just make it your signature line that's automatically added. Problem solved. DO use words like "please" and "thank you". EVERYONE does. *I* do, regardless of who I'm talking to.

DON'T include snide comments. Yes, I'm sure you're pissed off about something. We all are. But here's a little secret: pissy emails to me are less likely to get answered in a timely manner than non-pissy ones. I have to wait awhile before answering 'cause otherwise I'll say something nasty. DON'T be melodramatic. The fate of the world *isn't* hinging on where your manuscript is in the publication process. DON'T speak to the publishing staff like they're "the help." Because we're not.

If you can't show me basic courtesy, don't be surprised if I don't want to work with you anymore, and don't be surprised if others don't either. Serious business people want to work with serious business people.

Before you click "send" with that next email...please, read it over and imagine you're the one receiving it. Is it polite? Professional? If you're not sure if it's too casual, pretend you're in Japan and make it a little more formal. Use your previous correspondence from whoever you're sending it to to gauge what tone to use.

Some people are incapable of this.

These people are douchebags.

Don't be one.