Well, we start off with Gen back in school the day after her “ordeal,” and we find out she has more than a little in common with her best friend Levi. Namely, a crush on an unattainable girl who doesn't know she exists. You might remember the bit a few commentaries ago where I mentioned Gen's different behaviour depending on who she's around, and Janine was an example of Gen getting all nervous and embarrassed, and her usually sharp tongue goes into hiding as she's suddenly shy.
Also, meet Meredith. I'll talk more about her in later commentaries, because nothing much happens here. She's soft-spoken and quite shy, all which helps Gen relax more after the sequence with Janine earlier. This leads us to our first POV change—which I hope wasn't too abrupt—and then to another, which again, I hope wasn't too abrupt. Normally, in fiction I don't change POV in a chapter more than once (and not at all, if I can help it) but because this is a serial and has longer chapters, I figure it's okay.
I realized at this point in the story, people might be thinking Gen is a horrible best friend, what with not going to any of Levi's games (plus she didn't call him back the night before, and guess what—when he calls her that night, she'll avoid talking to him). I tried to tone it down a bit because I'm not sure how else to explain that that's just the nature of their relationship. He expects when he calls, he'll only get a hold of her half the time, and the other half, despite the messages he leaves, she probably won't get around to calling him back. If they were newer friends, this might bug him, but he understands that's just her. And he's a bit of a doormat anyway, even though Gen doesn't intend to treat him that way.
Also, I have no idea how the Sage/Hayden scene will play. I wrote it one way, then realized it appears to the first-time reader as if they were making fun of Levi in their conversation, so I had to switch some things up. It isn't that at all—Hayden's brief diary-story thing was more making fun of Sage for expecting something so ridiculous.
Oh, and I swear I don't hate cheerleaders. They are valuable members of society. It comes across as a hatefest there, but that's just Sage. It isn't merely cheerleaders—she thinks she's better than everyone. No hatemail over that, please.
The last scene is one of the ones I kept from the original version of this story (the Genevieve-stalked bit was also one of the very first images I saw in my head for it). There were slightly different circumstances, and it wasn't after a game, so the final line of hers was, “Nice night,” or something to that effect, but it's one scene that hasn't changed all that much.
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"She wrapped evil around her like a large, evil Mexican serape."
Author Commentary
Well, we start off with Gen back in school the day after her “ordeal,” and we find out she has more than a little in common with her best friend Levi. Namely, a crush on an unattainable girl who doesn't know she exists. You might remember the bit a few commentaries ago where I mentioned Gen's different behaviour depending on who she's around, and Janine was an example of Gen getting all nervous and embarrassed, and her usually sharp tongue goes into hiding as she's suddenly shy.
Also, meet Meredith. I'll talk more about her in later commentaries, because nothing much happens here. She's soft-spoken and quite shy, all which helps Gen relax more after the sequence with Janine earlier. This leads us to our first POV change—which I hope wasn't too abrupt—and then to another, which again, I hope wasn't too abrupt. Normally, in fiction I don't change POV in a chapter more than once (and not at all, if I can help it) but because this is a serial and has longer chapters, I figure it's okay.
I realized at this point in the story, people might be thinking Gen is a horrible best friend, what with not going to any of Levi's games (plus she didn't call him back the night before, and guess what—when he calls her that night, she'll avoid talking to him). I tried to tone it down a bit because I'm not sure how else to explain that that's just the nature of their relationship. He expects when he calls, he'll only get a hold of her half the time, and the other half, despite the messages he leaves, she probably won't get around to calling him back. If they were newer friends, this might bug him, but he understands that's just her. And he's a bit of a doormat anyway, even though Gen doesn't intend to treat him that way.
Also, I have no idea how the Sage/Hayden scene will play. I wrote it one way, then realized it appears to the first-time reader as if they were making fun of Levi in their conversation, so I had to switch some things up. It isn't that at all—Hayden's brief diary-story thing was more making fun of Sage for expecting something so ridiculous.
Oh, and I swear I don't hate cheerleaders. They are valuable members of society. It comes across as a hatefest there, but that's just Sage. It isn't merely cheerleaders—she thinks she's better than everyone. No hatemail over that, please.
The last scene is one of the ones I kept from the original version of this story (the Genevieve-stalked bit was also one of the very first images I saw in my head for it). There were slightly different circumstances, and it wasn't after a game, so the final line of hers was, “Nice night,” or something to that effect, but it's one scene that hasn't changed all that much.
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"She wrapped evil around her like a large, evil Mexican serape."