No, You Can't Pet My Puppy

Fasten your seat belts chickadees: Brief Rant Ahead.

So you probably know that I've had two puppies off and on for nearly two weeks now--they are NOT mine (I can't afford another dog with Soph's health problems) but I puppy-sit them for my mum during her longer shifts at work. I take them out with Sophie several times a day to the park across the street.

Which brings me to my rant.

Dear People of the Park: No, you can't pet my puppies.

I'm not sure where this unspoken assumption that puppies = public property came from, but it's annoying the fuck out of me.

Yes, I know they're adorable.

You see a woman wrangling three dogs. She sees you. She pointedly starts walking away from you. She is not smiling in greeting. This is not the time to walk over and say in a whiny, baby voice, "Can I pet your puppies?" No, you mind your own fucking business. Especially not when you're ignoring my older dog and upsetting her by pretending she doesn't exist because she doesn't fit inside a teacup.

I am tired of these puppies not being left alone long enough to urinate while they're out there. I'm tired of small children coming over and picking them up roughly and carelessly tossing them down. I chastised two little girls today, first because EACH of them dropped Gabby too roughly on the ground and then because they wouldn't BACK THE FUCK OFF when I said we had to go on our way so the puppy could pee.

Both girls just blinked up at me, like it was the first time anyone had ever told them no or disciplined them, with an expression of, "Why is that scary lady yelling at us?"

Because you're an entitled, fucking little brat, sweetheart, and your parents deserve a smack upside the head for not teaching you to be careful with a tiny, breakable creature--or to respect other people's boundaries.

Puppies are cute. I know. They're awesome because they love everyone. Puppies are great. Thumbs up for puppies. I get all that.

But you know what? They're not your puppies. And I am not a pet store. And these little babies do not need total strangers coming up and handling them constantly when they're trying to go about their business any more than I need my walk interrupted.

Animals are not public property. They're not like a bench at the park where anyone can sit. They're not a tree everyone can race around. They are living, breathing creatures under someone else's care, not to be poked, prodded, or picked up by every stranger who thinks they're entitled to do so. They are tiny and easily injured (as I know). They are not yours to do with what you please.

Parents? You are on notice: if you're not going to teach your children respect, I will, and I am adept at ensuring massive therapy bills for the rest of their lives with just one look. Adults who behave like children? I have no problem demonstrating for you why I am known by most people as a Momma Bear.

So no. If you see me, just don't even ask and walk the other fucking way--you may NOT pet my puppies. Get your own.

And you don't want to know what Big Brother Rodney will do to you.