Excercise When You Hate Excerise

The advice for people who want to be professional writers is always the same thing: butt in chair. Put your butt in the chair because that's the only way writing is going to get done--if you sit your ass down and do it.

Once you've got your butt in the chair for awhile, though, it's easy to ignore your physical health and well-being. Also, I think it's common for us creative types to often be in our heads rather than our bodies, so we may not be that inclined to get active.

That's basically me right there. I've only ever exercised because I've had to (like 2 hrs of walking every day to take the dog to the sitters before work). I hated phys ed. Never changed into gym clothes, skipped class, faked injuries, whined, and just flat out refused to participate most of the time. My parents tried, in vain, to teach me how to even throw a basketball when I was little--I just didn't want to learn. (My mum was captain of the girl's basketball team throughout high school, so I think this pained her greatly.)

The truth is, I'm competitive. Scarily so. I never would have gotten as far as I have if it wasn't for the drive to be the best at everything I do.

But I knew, instinctively, that I'd never be good at physical activities. I'd never be the fastest runner. I'd never hit the ball the farthest. Only thing I was marginally good at during Track and Field was high jump because I was a foot taller than the girls my age, and I still always missed out getting a ribbon.

I don't try unless I can win. A character flaw, sure. But that's me.

But I work a job from my home computer now and I spend all day in front of it. And if I want to continue doing this job for the rest of my life, I realized I needed to get off my butt and ensure I stayed active. I don't want to be sore and crippled up ten years from now.

So there's a challenge. How do you make yourself do something that a) you've hated your whole life and worked hard to get out of doing, and b) keep at it?

Well, here's how I do it.

First: I need to have fun.

I'm like a five year old. I can't do something that's not fun. If it's a chore, count me out.

Second: I get bored easily. I need variation. So I have to have a few activities to alternate between.

So naturally, I walk. I love walking. It clears my head and it's non-competitive, so yay. But I like to push myself, and walking a lot wasn't good enough, so I started jogging.

Jogging isn't easy when you're asthmatic. If that's the case with you, or if you're just not used to it, I recommend alternating between a walk and a jog. I walk for a block, jog for a block, walk for a block, jog for a block. Etc. If I can push myself to jog more, I do. If I'm having trouble breathing, I walk a little longer.

It's incredibly important to playlist your walks. Yes, yes, more dangerous, blah blah. Well, I get bored without music. Plus I defy you to hear the Glee cast rendition of Defying Gravity as you're jogging and not be inspired. Really. Go for it. I'll wait to hear your results.

Cons to jogging: falling. Well, that happens with walking, too. I made the mistake of turning down a shitty road and my weak ankle twisted when I hit a pothole covered in leaves. While walking. Down I went. And I've been bitching about it ever since because I became convinced my kneecap was going to pop out (it's an irrational fear I've had since childhood). I'm happy to report that the kneecap is still in place, and I now return from every jog quite pleased with myself for not falling. I'm kinda pathetic.

What about those cold days, though? When it's icy and you heighten your risk of falling on your ass?

I say, dance.

Oh yes, I've hated dancing my whole life (despite the brief time I was in the line dancing club in elementary school and no I'm not kidding--it was the nineties, when Achey Breaky Heart was out, and if you make fun of me, I'm going to kick your ass royally so SHUT UP). But I decided it would be a fun way to get active.

First, I recommend Bollywood dancing. Come on, are you telling me that you NEVER watching a Bollywood movie and thought, "Damn, that looks pretty fucking fun!" It's impossible not to think that. My shoulders start bouncing as soon as the music starts.

I have a Bollywood Dancing Workout DVD that really is fun. The first thing I noticed, though, was how damn stiff I was. Bounce my shoulders AND shake my head WHILE shimmying my hips? Skyla's body didn't seem to work that way. But if you wear spangly anklets, anything is possible to learn.

Want something a little more intensive? Heh.

Belly dancing.

I've always wanted to learn. Still can't afford classes, but I'm not going to be a professional, so a DVD seemed good. I browsed a lot of them and it took awhile to find something because I refuse to touch anything that has "weight loss" on the cover (my body shaming days are over, fuck you very much--I want to feel strong, not that my appearance is lacking), and because I didn't want to learn from a girl whose ribs I could count (no offense to you twiggy folk, but I don't want to learn belly dancing from someone who looks like she's starving).

Well...the DVD I found is three hours long. It's fucking harsh, y'all. 45 minute warm-up! There are stretches there that made me ache, and I've done yoga off and on for years.

Check her out:

Four words for you after doing this: It. Hurts. To. Sneeze.

Srsly, I worked muscles I didn't know I had.

Now, I suck at it. I'll never be a dancer. Ever. But you know what I've learned?

I like to dance.

When I'm cleaning or baking, I crank up Shakira and dance around my apartment, twirling and shimmying like a mad woman. My mum got me a spangly belt, which I wear religiously. I freak out the dog, yes, but I feel great.

So, my writer friends, after you've had your butt in the chair for awhile, don't forget to GET OFF IT AGAIN. Get up. Move. Dance! It's important to keep your strength up and your body active.

Because, you see, zombies might invade. And just in case they're the fast, 28 Days Later kind, you need to be able to run.

(Seriously, half of my concern is running from zombies. If you don't believe me, you don't know me very well.)