How NOT To Be A Douche Bag Author 101

Welcome to a new edition of HNTBADBA 101.

Warning: this column will regularly feature lots of profanity. So Sensitive Speshul Snowflakes can go elsewhere.

We're not having an official column this week as I'm busy getting yelled at by lots of people whom I don't actually work for.

Instead, I'd first like to thank everyone for the wonderful emails of support last week and all the great comments on Facebook. You are all tres awesome and not douche bags. :-) AND no one ruined Julie Butcher's birthday. Yay!

* Something I hear a lot from people is, "Every time I read your column, I worry that I've been a douche bag" or "I hope I'm not a douche bag!" Yes, folks, it's sometimes a healthy worry to have--we all want to make sure we're not contributing to people wishing to throw themselves out a window.

So a new feature here will be, "Am I a douche bag?"

You, gentle reader and potential douche bag, are invited to write in and ask a question, and I'll tell you if I think you're a douche bag or not right here in this column. You can leave your question in the comments or email it in. If you want to be anonymous, you can set up an email account somewhere like Hotmail or Yahoo with a totally fake name like Douchey McDouchePants. Or you can use your real name and I'll link to your book and stuff. (I've seen stranger promo before.)

Da Rules: 1. I don't give legal advice. I'm not a lawyer, nor do I play one on TV. 2. You MAY be a douche bag. I don't know yet. Please consider the mental trauma of learning that you make editors homicidal. 3. No names but your own. Vagueness appreciated. You can say "Person X" if you want but "Renesmee" would be funnier.

Emails can come to: notadouchebag@skyladawncameron.com

Have fun!

Brand New Disclaimer! The opinions expressed herein are those of the person who wrote them and in no way represent any company anywhere on the planet. If you don't like it, and can't take this kind of humour, kindly walk away and don't be a fucktard.

For past issues, please head here.

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*That's my INAMOOD photo. I use it on Facebook and Twitter when I want to kill people and/or characters. Seems appropriate for when I'm addressing douchebaggery as well.