HNTBADBA 101 - Am I a Douche Bag?

Welcome to a new edition of HNTBADBA 101.

Yes folks, it's been quiet over the holidays. It's not that I haven't had anything to rant about, it's just that I've been too busy yelling at people to blog about why I'm yelling at people. But here's a question from a writer that I thought might fit.

Warning: this column will regularly feature lots of profanity. So Sensitive Speshul Snowflakes can go elsewhere.

It's Advice Column Friday! Read on.

Question du Jour...

Why do agents & editors twitch when authors refer to their novels as fiction? I've seen a few things on FB & Twitter about agents/editors getting their panties in a bunch when that shows up in a query.

Just wondering...

This might be a good question for your blog, too. I think a lot of newbie authors don't understand why it's taboo to call your ms an adult fiction novel.

You're right, it *is* a good question for the blog, which is why I used it for this column.

One thing every writer has to learn is not to be redundant. Say something once and don't repeat yourself unless its necessary for some other reason. So don't tell me about the vampire's twinkling sparkles. Just say he sparkles, 'cause twinkling isn't necessary.

Actually, don't say he sparkles either because vampires don't sparkle, people.

"Fiction novel" is redundant. With very, very few exceptions (and I can't even think of one but never say never), if you say that you're querying/submitting a novel, we're going to assume it's fiction. And "fiction" isn't a genre, so you shouldn't use it as an adjective for novel. Urban fantasy? Futuristic romance? Comedic horror? Those are all genres. We don't typically consider "fiction" to be a genre, and tacking it on to describe your novel inducing eye-rolling from agents and editors.

Please note that it does NOT make you a douche bag. No one is going to reject you based on using "fiction novel" in a query (well, I might if it otherwise lacked sparkle and my slush pile was sitting in the hundreds). But it's the first red flag that you're an amateur, and that's not an impression you want to leave with an editor or agent.

And as for why we get twitchy over it...just imagine our slush piles for a moment. Now imagine that every three cover letters, we see that "fiction novel" mistake. When those things happen over and over, we get whiny, and since Twitter is RIGHT THERE for when we want to ZOMGWHINE&BITCHABOUTAUTHORS, all you lovely kids get to see us twitch.

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Disclaimer! The opinions expressed herein are those of the person who wrote them and in no way represent any company anywhere on the planet. If you don't like it, and can't take this kind of humour, kindly walk away and don't be a fucktard.

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