HNTBADBA 101 - Am I a Douche Bag?

Welcome to a new edition of HNTBADBA 101.

Warning: this column will regularly feature lots of profanity. So Sensitive Speshul Snowflakes can go elsewhere.

Yes, we usually have columns on Wednesdays, but I think we need some Friday fun, don't you? No? Well then, take your negativity elsewhere, please.

Today we're having our first ever advice piece for Am I a Douche Bag?

Dear Skyla,

Sometimes, when my Senior Editor thinks I'm working on the next novel, I'm actually singing "Wanna Date My Avatar" and dancing around the office with my cats. Does this make me a Douchebag, or just Slacky McSlackPants the Third?

Sincerely,

Elaine

Well, "Elaine", if that IS your real name...

I think this depends on a couple of factors.

1. Is it a sexy dance? Is your "office" a strip club? If so, you're not a douche bag, you're my hero--I SO wish I was a stripper. I'd be called Kylee Wyote (changed the spelling as to not be confused with the adult film actress) and I'd definitely strip to Do You Wanna Date My Avatar. That and Don't Stop Believing by Journey.

2. Have you bribed your Senior Editor with chocolate and/or liquor? Perhaps some combination of the two? Because, you see, that changes everything. Much like a tree falling in the woods where no one can hear it, you're not slacking or being a douche if your SE is in a drunken stupor and doesn't know what day it is.

Wow, I got philosophical there.

I JUST BLEW MY OWN MIND.

And I forgot my third point.

At best, you're a writer embarrassing herself in front of her cats. At worst, you're just Slacky McDouchePants the Second.

Unless your next novel is Hunter's Crown, in which case you'd better haul ass 'cause that's penciled in for second quarter 2011 and I hear that Senior Editor is a psycho bitch who calls people douche bags.

Actually, it might be okay 'cause she's now dancing to Do You Wanna Date My Avatar...

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Brand New Disclaimer! The opinions expressed herein are those of the person who wrote them and in no way represent any company anywhere on the planet. If you don't like it, and can't take this kind of humour, kindly walk away and don't be a fucktard.

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