Fuck It, I'm Talking About Amy Winehouse
July 24, 2011
You know, everything I had to say was too long for a tweet so I wasn't going to step in it at all, but what the hell. It's my blog and I'll say what I want to.
I think the only thing rivaling my severe lack of faith in humanity after hearing about the recent terrorist attacks and shootings is the attitude regarding one woman's death at the same time.
Compassion? Yeah, it's not a zero sum game. I noticed time and again in feminist circles people had trouble with this--that many of us were horrified over the cruelty towards animals committed by Michael Vick at a time when other football stars were being charged with domestic violence. Because, apparently, there is just only SO MUCH HORROR WITH THE HUMAN RACE to go around, so obviously dividing it among two causes lessens it, somehow. Or something. Honestly, I don't really get the logic.
I can be sad that someone tortures animals.
At the same time, I can be sad that people commit violence against their intimate partners.
I can also be sad that a terrorist killed nearly a hundred people.
I can be sad that a young woman died.
In fact, I still cry often about another dead young woman who everyone seems to have forgotten about but me.
I know, this is shocking--I'm like Super Compassion Woman or something. I must be magic.
Do I think that sometimes reporting on simultaneous tragedies is unbalanced? Absolutely. Do I think that the solution is for people to make disparaging remarks against another human being? No. I think that's shitty. I think it's possible to say, "Hey, can we talk a little more about this tragedy in Norway? Maybe discuss what we can do to help?" without resorting to, "Amy Winehouse was just a drug addict and had it coming."
Also? WTF is with the "Well, I'm not surprised--she was an addict" comments?
Are they actually contributing anything to the conversation? Is looking down at someone and snorting in disgust even remotely helpful? Does shaming someone ever work when you're trying to correct someone's behaviour you don't approve of?
No, wait, it's not about helping anyone, is it? It's about being a bully. It's about rejoicing in one's own superiority.
Amy Winehouse, as far as I know, wasn't a child molester. She didn't eat kittens for breakfast. She didn't commit genocide in the Sudan. She did nothing to deserve the level of scorn I've seen heaped upon her for happening to die within a day of a massive tragedy.
She was a self destructive singer--a human being with friends and family who are devastated right now.
I dunno, maybe I'm just sympathetic because I know what it's like to be self-destructive. I know what it's like to have a brain you can't shut off without foreign substances flowing through your veins. I know what it's like to be hurting so badly that the person you end up lashing out at is yourself. I know what it's like to be in a very dark place, trying to find your way, terrified you're going to fall. So I'm not about to judge someone knowing that, under the right circumstances, I could've ended up on the same path.
At the very least, I hope that if something ever happens to me--whether an irate writer shoots me or I lose a battle and fall or I get hit by a bus--my mum and my friends will never have to run into snarky comments from random strangers on the internet claiming I got what was coming to me.
Also? My dad is an alcoholic. If he should die of liver disease or alcohol poisoning or something and someone says to me that I shouldn't be surprised and he got what was coming to him? I will punch that person in their stupid, motherfucking face, and tell them they shouldn't be surprised--they got what was coming to them.
I'm sorry, I'm just...I'm thoroughly disgusted right now, so if you don't see me tomorrow, I decided to step the fuck away from the internet for awhile.
In the meantime, it might be a great time to give to your country's respective Red Cross (or the SPCA, or Doctor's Without Borders, or Amnesty International, or Equality Now--because I think you can care about all of those causes equally) AND you can even listen to my favourite Amy Winehouse song while doing it. See how that works?
Comments
#1 "No, wait, it's not about
"No, wait, it's not about helping anyone, is it? It's about being a bully. It's about rejoicing in one's own superiority"
THIS. All of it, really, but this in particular.
#2 That's just the thing--don't
That's just the thing--don't care? Then just don't talk about it! Do you know how many people who have died that I didn't care about? Loads. How many celebrity death news stories seemed blown out of proportion to me? Tons. The only celebrity I remember really mourning is George Carlin.
But somehow in our drugged up culture--where everyone is on prescription medications for something or another--it's become okay to consider addicts subhuman and sneer at them. I...I just don't know. Pot meet kettle much?
#3 Well said.
Well said.
#4 Thank you.
Thank you.
#5 I'm so glad...
That you posted this.
Yesterday, when I heard about this, I had what I thought to be such an oddly devastated reaction to her passing. I can't explain it. I didn't really have an opinion about her music, and I didn't really pay attention to her shenanigans. I guess that might be part of the reason I am so sad. It is almost like that was the story of her life and career...people noticed her shortcomings but did not notice enough to help (or noticed and consciously decided to withhold compassion because "she had it coming") .... and it just makes me so so sad...
It makes me sad because people's focus is the "tragedy of wasted talent". No. The tragedy is this young, tormented woman died. She died because of something she couldn't climb out of, something that she was constantly tortured by. She died, and no one could help her.
It makes me sad because, yes, I could easily fall through those same cracks, and have come close so many times. "I know what it's like to be hurting so badly that the person you end up lashing out at is yourself." Yes. Yes. Yes.
Everyone has their private hell. Not everyone is able to escape it.
#6 This is such a beautiful
This is such a beautiful comment--thank you for stopping by.
I think you hit the nail on the head--it's a tragedy to people because she'll no longer be able to contribute something to our entertainment, because that's what we seem to base value on. There are millions of twenty-somethings struggling with drugs and alcohol at the moment and I think it's easier for people to wash their hands of them and treat them as something other than human than to empathize. People quite often become addicts because they're trying to escape something. Trauma, abuse, mental illness, etc. You don't have to agree with their methods to still have compassion for their struggles.
#7 I wasn't around the net much
I wasn't around the net much yesterday, but I was sad to hear about her passing. I'm glad I didn't have to see the comments you did. ;-(
#8 The funny thing is that I
The funny thing is that I wasn't overly sad that she died--I like her music but I know very little about her--or I wasn't at first. It was mostly just a "That's too bad. I wish her family the best." sort of thing. But the more scorn that was heaped upon her, the shittier I felt about it. I absolutely think we should all still be talking about Norway and what we can do to help. What doesn't help Norway is mocking Amy Winehouse's death.
#9 Dear Troll: Your comment was
Dear Troll: Your comment was deleted. Maybe instead of harassing strangers on the internet, you could go look for something positive to contribute to society? (Please don't bother replying or continuing to apply for an account at my site--I'll ban you because I'm just too old for this shit.)
#10 When I heard about Amy I was
When I heard about Amy I was surprised and not. I know with all the stories and all that were flying around the last few years about her she was really having troubles. But from an outside view I had wondered if this would happen to her at a young age. Hell, there are other actors(actresses) and singers I wonder this might come to pass for as well. But I never wish ill for it to happen or even after it happens. Death is a tragedy for those who are left. Those who are left with the memory and having to deal with the loss.
I feel bad Amy and many others suffer and go through these things. I also feel bad for the friends and family now working to get through it.
Very powerful post.
#11 That's the thing--I don't
That's the thing--I don't think anyone was terribly surprised. Even her family wasn't. But was it entirely necessary for everyone the day of her death to SAY, "Oh, well, she was a drug addict. I'm not surprised.?" No. It wasn't changing anything. It wasn't helping anyone. It wasn't supporting a grieving family. It was snarky commentary from strangers who didn't have anything better to say. *I* wasn't surprised either, but I didn't feel the need to pipe up and say shit about it--because, just like if someone said that to me about my father, it would bother ME. It's one of those situations where people need to realize that just because you HAVE an opinion, you don't HAVE TO voice it. I'm supposed to be a rotten evil bitch who everyone hates, but as much as possible, before I speak I try to think "Is this actually going to be helpful or is this just meanness for the sake of meanness?"
As often as I remember, I do try to live by this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VSyuar6oF8
And re: the friends and family, that's the other thing--the other day I spoke to a friend whose relative she loves very much finally completed rehab after a long battle with drugs, and it bothers her immensely when people speak of drug addicts as if they're not even human. Don't care about Winehouse? Fine. Don't care about her family? Fine. But what about our own friends who are in the same sitch as her family? Shouldn't we care about them? Shouldn't we not say hurtful shit like that around them?
I wonder, sometimes, how it is we can become so connected online yet seem to see one another less and less as humans and more as entertainment.
#12 She was an amazing talent and
She was an amazing talent and I hope she is at peace at last. I do have a feeling that she is sharing a drink with Billie Holiday, Janis Joplin, and Nina Simone.
#13 Making sense of death...
Maybe I'm just naive, but I see those "she had it coming" comments as instinctive human defense, a cheap way that we (the living) can distance ourselves from her/them (the dead.)
I was saddened when my grandmother died. She was 82. Did I think, "Well, she was old..." You betcha. She was also a heavy smoker and an alcoholic for her entire life, and eventually died of lung/brain cancer.
Did I think, "She smoked and did this to herself?" Yep. I thought, "I'm never going to do anything like that. Never going to smoke, or drink..." (or get old or die.) It was my way of saying to myself, "I'm different from her." It was my angry-young-person's way of pissing into the wind.
I thought those things, *and* I still loved my grandmother and regretted the fact that she was gone. It was my way of dealing with the loss -- an immature way, to be sure, but then again, adults are just grownup children. Many years have gone by since then, and I still have the same reaction.
I think, in the end, everyone but the very young knows for whom the bell tolls.
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