Editor Pet Peeve: Participial Phrases

There are lots of types of participial phrases. I'll leave you to learn about them all. The one that drives me bonkers, though, is present participial, and when it's stuck at the beginning of the sentence.

Lots of new writers fall into the pattern of starting sentences the same way. The. He. She. I. Then someone points it out to them, and they're all, "OMG! I must do something more interesting!" so they start rearranging sentences. And they think it's a good idea to stick a present participial phrase at the start of the sentence, 'cause look! Now it doesn't start with the/he/she/I! Now it starts with a verb! I iz greatest author evah!

*twitch*

Okay, let's look at one of these babies for a moment.

Original sentence: He walked across the room and opened the door.

That's a solid sentence. Dry, but serviceable. Then the writer thinks OMGICAN'TSTARTWITHHE!!!

So it gets changed: Walking across the room, he opened the door.

THEREOMGTHAT'SPERFECT!

Please reread that.

He's opening the door while he's walking across the room? How effing small IS this damn room?

Besides the fact that frequently starting sentences that way is bloody irritating to read (seriously, no more than once or twice a page--if you're doing more than that, the frequent "ing" rhythm is damn annoying...it disrupts the flow of language and if you're trying for tension, you're going to lose it), it often has two things happening together at the same time that can't actually happen at the same time.

Let's look at another one that I've seen all too often:

Reaching across the desk, she opened the book.

Again...she's opening WHILE she's reaching?

Or:

Crying out his name, she kissed him long and hard.

Um, I don't think he wants to kiss a chick who is crying his name while her lips are sealed with his.

So how do you, newbie writer, make these sentences interesting without relying on starting with the/he/she/I or a present participial phrase?

Well, stop telling me what's going on, first of all. Let me (the reader) feel it. His heavy boots thudded on the worn hardwood as he crossed the room. A final glance over his shoulder at the empty space left behind revealed a room smaller and darker than the one from childhood memories. His fingers closed around the doorknob and gave the handle a hard twist to the right. He stared straight ahead, determined not to look back, and with a deep breath moved through the threshold.

Okay, still not great, but you know what? It's better. PLUS we've gone from one dull sentence to four that actually give you a sense of the space and character.

The ing-disease doesn't always mean you have a conflict of two things happening that can't happen at the same time. But they're awkward as hell and should only be used by those who know what they're doing.

Now, be good little bunnies and do a sweep for these in your next manuscript. Any competent editor would help you fix it in the first place, but then your chances of getting a competent editor when your manuscript is riddled with these is pretty slim.