What's New with You?
November 3, 2009
A lot of things got overwhelming and I haven't blogged in awhile. I thought of a bazillion things to say, but never got around to it. One of the things I'd still like to write is "How to Deal with a Bipolar Friend" because I had an extremely severe depressive episode a little while ago that I had trouble getting through, and it's hard for people to be supportive of me when I'm in that headspace because I get very self-destructive.
I'd like to talk more about bipolar disorder here, you know, because I think the amount of stigma around mental illness and mood disorders is ridiculous. People like me can function without medication, but too many people are afraid to really talk about what's going on with them because they don't want to be "crazy" and that pisses me off. Who the fuck cares if I'm crazy? Not me. I think it makes me interesting.
Also during the depressive phase was the "I Want to Retire from Writing for Publication" post which I probably won't end up writing, but is still on my mind. That's a problem I'm still trying to solve right now.
And then I went manic and I thought of a MILLION things to say at 4 o'clock in the morning when I couldn't sleep and was baking/cleaning/jogging/talking really fast. But, of course, I didn't blog at all because I know to stay the hell away from the internet when that happens. Otherwise I post constantly and go kinda loony. Of course, I caved and Twittered a lot. Y'all (I can't believe I typed that) should follow me so you can be there next time I get impulsive and talkative.
We've been in the process of acquiring some new books for the 2011 catalogue for MP, which I'm quite excited about, and my boss asked me to blog about what made us pick those books (which I'll get to, eventually, and it'll be on the company blog). I've also officially taken over the editor/author wrangling and scheduling for our erotica imprint, so I'm working all books across all three (soon to be four) imprints into one massive schedule, which led to me having nightmares of spreadsheets. That's right, Skyla Dawn, author of weird, fantastical books and occasional horror, has nightmares of spreadsheets.
See, I told you I needed the bipolar disorder to be interesting.
Last night I had one of those dreams that left me exhausted and freaked out when I awoke (typical weird dream that involved someone chasing/attempting to kill me, I think), and I got out of bed feeling like I'd been in a bar fight. Whole body aches like it does when I push myself in yoga or do belly dancing the day before. But I hadn't done those things, so WTH? Then tonight I figured a long, long walk would do me good. Now I'm sitting here at 2 am feeling chilled, headachy, and a little sick. I very rarely get actually sick--this only happens when I'm just feeling run down. I know, I know, body telling me to stop and slow down, right? Except WHY does the body have to decide to do this when I have shit to do? Why can't it wait until I'm not busy? Stupid body. Know what I think would do it some good? Couple of Rickard's Red and a cheese pizza. And a video game. And babies. And kittens.
Okay, I lost my train of thought.
I'm actually visiting the idea of continuing with Curio Killed the Cat sometime next year. Briar came and tapped me on the shoulder--she's lazy, yes, but she likes to be heard. And that's why I gave her her own blog at the site (click the "Briar's Blog" link at the top) and Twitter account. She promptly got in an argument with another character of mine on Twitter.
I *swear* the only problem I have is bipolar disorder--I don't really have multiple personalities. Though sometimes I do feel a little like Alpha from Dollhouse.
I split this month's Children of the Apocalypse chapter into two parts because I'm evil and love cliffhangers. Plus I think I've alienated or turned off nearly ever reader (including most long term ones) except for a couple, so I've gone crazy with the freedom of not caring what anyone thinks and dove into squicky relationships and French body hopping serial killers. Okay, not "killers"--there's just one. So far. You can never have enough body hopping serial killers of the Quebecois variety, as far as I'm concerned.
Comments
#1 Thank you
Thank you for your post, Skyla. I hate that there is a negative stigma against those suffering with bipolar disorder. It is more common than most people think. You know if you need me, I'm always here. I tend to babble a lot too, so feel free to send 10,000 emails my way!
And I'm so happy that you're my new editor! I look forward to working with you.
((Hugs))
~Mandy
#2 It would be so much easier if
It would be so much easier if people could talk freely about mood disorders. Except for the really severe ones, I'm functional enough to still work, but even then, it's clear I'm a little "off" to anyone working closely with me. Or among friends. If I can just say "I'm having a depressive episode today" or "I'm manic today" as an explanation and have people get it, then it would be a lot easier. For example, if I turn inward, everyone takes it personally (even my mum used to), which leads to unintentionally hurt feelings. And the last thing a person with my issues needs is a trigger like drama with the people she cares about. Instead, I end up lying and saying "I have a headache/I'm not feeling well" so then everyone thinks I'm sick all the time.
When I'm manic, I try to channel it to physical activity. I feel like I can accomplish a million things, but my brain won't focus to write or even type, so I end up cleaning or jogging.
#3 Please tell me you're not
Please tell me you're not medicating yourself with pot or alcohol. I've had two friends with this disorder and they both were very stubborn, especially in that depressive state. They both ended up using the wrong substances to make themselves feel better and they suffered terribly in the long run. I already know you're smarter than them, but still I think it's worth mentioning.
Also, if you're up at four a.m. baking and cleaning... you seriously need to download World of Warcraft and get addicted like the rest of us. It's certainly not gonna cure anything but it'll pass the hours in a way you won't believe.
#4 I wouldn't drink as a
I wouldn't drink as a solution because alcohol is a depressant and that's not helpful. As for weed, I see no problem with people who educate themselves and choose to medicate responsibly with it temporarily (I'm not one of them, as it inhibits ovulation and I'd like to get pregnant in the next few years). People like me who have bipolar disorder, ADD, and insomnia could take three different manufactured drugs with various side effects to try to function with those issues, or they could take one responsibly. Again, I don't take anything except vitamins and eat foods that help balance my serotonin levels, but having lived with these issues for years, I don't blame anyone who makes the educated choice to try different options.
I tried playing WoW years ago and it's just not my thing. If they ever get the Buffy MMORPG off the ground, I might play that. Usually I play Tomb Raider or something, but when I'm prone to getting impulsive and reckless, it's not a good idea for me to get it in my head that maybe I should try a back flip. ;-)
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