Hell Fire Is Done

For a short book it gave me a lot of headaches, but Hell Fire is finally knocked off my list. Mostly.

It’s at least 5K words short, between flesh I need to add and a lot of the penultimate chapter, which is bits of dialogue, scene direction, and story beats I need to hit. I’m an extremely visual writer–I see complete imagery in my head with vivid colour–but really struggled with this because it’s not typical action but Elis and others all doing magicky things, so as complicated as something like Livi v the Terracotta Army was to write, this is trickier.

I’ve also shortchanged various characters’ arcs, because Elis has some big things and of course that was my focus. Melinoë’s is there even if it needs more to it and others can be fleshed out a little more. It is all still a tremendous amount of work, and I have to look at what to weave into upcoming chapters before they post (I will probably be too late to add to September’s, though).

But…it’s done. And Elis solved her problems with misandry, so thematically I think the book works super well.

This is my sixty-second book (I think, I stopped keeping track after I hit fifty, and this is per the last time I actually wrote down every single title I could think of; it could be inaccurate) I’ve finished in twenty-two years. This does count pen name books, so basically anything on the shorter end of 45-50K to my big 150K books (Yampellec’s Idol still holds the record), trunk novels and private books, etc. It does not count novellas, novelettes, or shorts collections, otherwise we’d be here all goddamn day trying to remember and count them, and let’s be honest: a 15K-word novella is not the same as a 100K-word book. Shorter is just as hard for me to write if not harder, yes, but there are far fewer moving parts to keep track of.

The only thing that actually gets easier is that you’re more likely to remember that nothing gets easier. You know by this point that every story is different, every way they’re written is different, the amount of time each one takes is different. It becomes easier, then, to accept the parts of the process that are ugly (the doubt, the exhaustion, the fear) and just keep moving, because you’ve dealt with it so many times before and you know it’s temporary.

Kind of like suicide ideation.

…kidding! That was a joke!

I’m fine, I swear, it was, just so I could use that gif the third time in a row, because it’s the most me gif that ever was.

So Hell Fire has to sit now for a bit. I’m going to jump into A Wild Kind of Darkness copyedits today.

I’ve changed up my scheduled stuff, as I talked to my neighbour last night and she’s back to work this week. Given that very very tiny risk of anaphylaxis with a new medication, I’m opting to start my doses on Friday when she’s home. I’ll be on FaceTime with Dina ensuring I’m doing everything right and checking for problems, and I can text the neighbour and confirm my throat hasn’t swollen closed. If there are any problems, that way someone else can call an ambulance for me.

It’s overly precautious, probably? But also, this represents a very big thing for me: talking to people and having help lined up rather than doing it myself and possibly dying alone. Dina did go through my history last night to remind me, so for those playing along at home: yeah, in 2020 I fell and broke my foot and did not go to an ER (it’s fine now! just the occasional pain if I fold my foot a little while sitting cross-legged); yeah, in 2019 I had what was probably strep throat and was delirious with a fever of 104.3F but did not go to an ER (it’s fine! I managed!); a couple of times prior to that, yeah, I had my feet stepped on by a horse and it’s caused permanent nerve damage, which is why I’m super prone to falling and breaking my foot (or my tones, which happens more than is probably normal).

I learned at a very early age to self-soothe and manage things on my own–it’s why I ended up a writer, after all–and having to unlearn that has been extremely difficult. But I’m lucky friends have worked so hard to teach me that, so I’m trying to be responsible here.

(Again, I will endure anything for this little fucker, to ensure I don’t die prematurely and abandon him, including speak up and rely on others.)

I worked on the weekend, and I stayed up late last night to finish Hell Fire, so I’m still taking a few days off, I’m just going to do some laundry and dishes and various chores, then hopefully any side effects I have will resolve over the weekend. Still on the treadmill daily, clearly, because I’m posting here.

I’m going to be optimistic and hope that this preview will be accurate for next summer–the jacket copy is at the end of Hell Fire.

But writing it is gonna be next year’s Skyla’s problem.